


As the World Comes Crashing Down

by ChickenXD



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Human Experimentation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-13 13:43:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 20,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7978795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenXD/pseuds/ChickenXD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tell me, Yuuya. What do you see me as?"<br/>Yuuya sighed as he looked out of the window. That's quite a difficult question to answer.<br/>"A heartless monster with no regard for human lives? I can't really imagine being portrayed as anything else."<br/>"I am... grateful to you, in a way," Yuuya replied, "But I suppose that's what you are."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fool

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Selinawen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selinawen/gifts).



Ichijou Utsuro is a perfectly normal boy. 

He lives with his parents in their house, where he is treated well – since he’s an only child, naturally all of his parents’ focus is on him. He’s always done well in school, and also has quite a few friends.

Everything is fine. 

 

Time seems to stop in silence,

because you can’t hear it passing. 

 

Utsuro could not remember his childhood, for some reason. 

A lot of people said he looked like his father, so he must be, at least, from this family. 

Maybe it’s normal to not remember being born, but for some reason, his earliest memory was…

 

...well, not that it mattered. 

Everything is fine, after all. 

~•~

“Utsuro?”

Utsuro looked up from his book, and saw his mother by the door. 

“Come on down, we have a guest,” she said, “Do you remember Dr. Kawara?”

Utsuro went downstairs to see a familiar looking blue-haired man sitting with his father on the living room. Upon seeing them come down, he turned to look at them –

“Oh, Utsuro! How have you been?”

“I’ve been… well,” Utsuro replied with a smile. “How are you, sir?”

“I’ve been great!” Ryuuji replied, “Kind of busy doing some research, but hey, what’s new about that?”

Utsuro smiled and nodded politely. As far as he knows, Ryuuji was probably busy doing experiments or writing reports…

“How about you? How’s school?”

“I’m… doing well, I suppose,” Utsuro replied. 

“He came out top of his class last year,” Utsuro’s dad added, and Ryuuji nodded proudly.

“Congratulations then!” he said excitedly – almost too excited, even –

Utsuro muttered “thanks” softly. 

~•~

“Ichijou?”

Utsuro turned around upon hearing someone call his name –

Another student was standing behind him – a boy with light blue hair and yellow-rimmed glasses. Utsuro didn’t recall ever seeing him before. 

“...can I help you?”

“Hey, nice to meet you,” the boy greeted, “Ichijou Utsuro, right? Name’s Sakazaki Yuuya.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever met before.”

“Yeah, you’re right, so this is…” Yuuya scratched the back of his head, “Kind of awkward.”

Utsuro just stood there for a while though, waiting for what was about to happen. Yuuya looked at him for a while, examining him from head to toe. 

“You seem like a pretty good kid to me,” Yuuya said, “And I’d really want to believe that you’re a good, normal person…”

Utsuro cocked his head to the side, confused – “Is there a problem you’d like to discuss with me?”

“No, just… I have a suggestion, I suppose,” Yuuya said, “And I know it’s weird, but just hear me out, will you?”

Utsuro nodded. 

“You need to run away from home.”

  
  


Yuuya left immediately after that, so Utsuro had no idea why he’d said that. 

His parents had been kind to him, he had friends, he was well taken care of – nothing was wrong with his life. If anything, it was actually quite perfect. 

Utsuro saw no reason to comply with that request. Yuuya also said it was just a suggestion, after all – one he found to be pretty strange, too.

He went home as usual, abandoning the suggestion.

 

He never saw Yuuya again after that, so it probably didn’t matter.

~•~

Until one day everything came crashing down. 

Even now, Utsuro didn’t really have an idea about what happened. 

He was just sitting in his room reading his book when he suddenly heard an explosion from outside. 

He ran out as fast as he could – only that he couldn’t see his parents anywhere – 

A big fire had started in the kitchen, so naturally Utsuro tried to avoid it and go straight for the door –

And then he heard another crash, and everything faded away.

 


	2. Recall

Utsuro was sitting down at a bench on the rooftop when a strange student walked up to him. 

Without saying a word, this student sat down next to him, took out a pack of cigarettes, and put one between his lips. He turned to Utsuro, offering the cigarette – but Utsuro shook his head. 

As the student next to him lit his cigarette, Utsuro studied his appearance – he had light blue hair, slicked back and secured with two hairpins. He was also wearing yellow-rimmed glasses…

“...can I help you with anything?”

The student turned to Utsuro, confused. 

“I should be the one asking that,” he replied, “You need help?”

“About what?”

“Running away from home,” the student replied, “I told you to.”

Utsuro fell silent at this –

He was fairly certain this was his first time meeting this student, after all – but now he was acting like they’d met before, and had at some point suggested that Utsuro run away from home –

That sounded silly. Why would Utsuro have that conversation with anyone, ever?

 

The student seemed really surprised at how nonresponsive Utsuro was, too. 

“...don’t you remember us talking about this?”

Utsuro shook his head. 

“But at least you remember talking to me, right?” he asked, “My name?”

Utsuro paused for a second, trying to remember if he’d probably seen or heard of this person somewhere – but his mind just drew a blank. 

“...sorry,” Utsuro said with a sigh, “I’m pretty bad with names…”

“No, this is just…” 

The boy sighed as he got up, holding his cigarette between his index and middle finger. 

“...nevermind,” he said as he walked away. “Sorry for being nonsensical.”

Utsuro only watched as the boy pressed his cigarette against the trashcan, then threw it in and walked downstairs. 

 

(All vital activities seem to be normal. No indication of serious internal injury. A few burn injuries, but nothing else.)

(Hopefully no mental trauma when he wakes up.)

 

“How are you feeling?”

Utsuro slowly blinked his eyes open, his hands twitching as he came into consciousness. 

He turned his head to the voice that called out to him, and saw Ryuuji sitting next to him, gently caressing his hand. 

“Hey,” Ryuuji greeted softly, “You okay?”

“I…” 

Utsuro looked around, uncertain. 

“This is the hospital.”

“The hospital…”

Utsuro turned to Ryuuji, confused. 

“And my parents…?”

Ryuuji didn’t say anything – only let out a long sigh, and looked away sadly. 

Utsuro stared at him for a while, waiting for an answer – 

But as he realized what it was going to be, tears started to stream down from his eyes. 

 

“Are they… are they dead?”

“Utsuro, you’ll be fine,” Ryuuji replied, “I’ll be the one taking care of you from now on, okay?”

“But…” Ryuuji could hear the crack in his voice – “But mum, and dad, they…”

“At least you made it out of there, didn’t you, Utsuro?”

Ryuuji leaned over, gently mussing Utsuro’s hair – he was still sniffling as he looked up to Ryuuji, eyes brimming with tears. 

“But… but, I couldn’t save them…”

He fell silent after that, rolling so that he was facing away from Ryuuji, and started to cry. 

  
  
  



	3. Wheel of fortune

Utsuro would not understand any scenario that didn’t involve Ryuuji adopting him. 

Not that he had anyone else to go to. He understood that he had a few uncles and aunts, but he never knew them that well anyway, and it’s always felt like Ryuuji had been around more. His dad had known Ryuuji for a long time, after all, so it would only make sense that Ryuuji took the responsibility to adopt him. 

~•~

“Mr. Ichijou, someone’s here to see you.”

Yuuya walked into the room behind the nurse – he could see Utsuro lying on the bed, facing away from them. He stirred slightly upon hearing the nurse’s call, just enough to see Yuuya.

“Hey, Utsuro,” Yuuya greeted with a smile, “Remember me?”

Utsuro didn’t reply – he only watched as Yuuya placed his bouquet of flowers on the nightstand, then sat on the side of the bed.

“...I’m really sorry about what happened.”

Utsuro shook his head, “It’s fine.”

“I want to say “I know how you feel”, but at the end, I don’t think I can,” Yuuya sighed, “My dad died when I was really young, but you know, kids have no idea about the concept of death; you do.”

Utsuro nodded. 

“Anyway,” Yuuya said, trying to shift the mood of the conversation – “So what’s going to happen now?”

  
  
  


“Hurtful project?”

Yuuya flipped through the file in his hands, briefly skimming through the information on every page.

“Basically it’s a project to make the perfect human biological weapon,” Yuuya concluded, “That’s kind of creepy, though.”

“Well, creepy or not, you’re going to be in this mission,” Leone said, “So just do it.”

“Ichijou Utsuro?”

“We suspect he’s the subject,” Leone said, “You don’t need to kill him or anything, or at least not yet.”

“What about this other guy?” Yuuya asked, pointing at a picture on the page – “Kawara Ryuuji?”

“He’s the mastermind, or at least so we think for now,” Leone said, “Watch out for him.”

  
  
  


“I think… Dr. Kawara is adopting me.”

Yuuya nodded, rather nervously.

“I mean, I guess it makes sense,” Utsuro sighed, “He’s really close to dad, after all, and I can’t really see anyone else adopting me.”

“I see.”

“You’re so strong,” Utsuro said, turning to Yuuya, “Your father’s death doesn’t seem to affect you anymore…”

“I mean, it’s been like, sixteen years,” Yuuya sighed, “At some point you just… grow tired of crying, you know?”

Utsuro looked out of the window solemnly. 

“...I suppose.”

  
  


As Yuuya walked out of the room, he could see someone walking towards him – 

Kawara Ryuuji, that is. He looked exactly like his profile picture in those files…

“Ah, you must be from Utsuro’s school!” Ryuuji greeted with a big smile, “Thanks for coming!”

“No problem. Friends gotta look out of each other, you know.”

Well, not that they were exactly ‘friends’... Yuuya just kind of forced an interaction with Utsuro, after all.

“Anyway, I’m Ryuuji!” Ryuuji introduced himself, giving out his hand for Yuuya to shake – “And you are…?”

“Yuuya. Nice to meet you,” Yuuya replied while shaking Ryuuji’s hand firmly, “Don’t worry, doctor, I’ll keep an eye on him at school.”

“Yeah, I appreciate it! Don’t hesitate to tell me if you think something’s not going well!” Ryuuji said cheerfully, “Although I do wonder how you’re going to contact me if that’s the case…”

Ryuuji fished out a name card from his pocket, and handed it to Yuuya.

“Anyway, I’m off now! But nice to meet you, Yuuya!”

And so Ryuuji tapped Yuuya on the shoulder as he walked away. Yuuya turned to look at him for a second, before he sighed and left. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Things seem to be going well this time.”

“Yeah, after like, a hundred trials.”

Ryuuji only laughed as he flipped through the file he was holding. 

“I mean, they’ve been worthwhile, I suppose. There’s been a lot of improvements compared to the first one…”

Tohri, who was sitting next to him, could only sigh. 

“How the fuck are you not… traumatized by this?” Tohri asked, “You are putting somebody in an unpleasant situation over and over again.”

“I mean, as a scientist, you just need to be objective, I guess…”

“Objective or heartless?”

Ryuuji shrugged, “However you want to see it, I guess.”

  
  
  


“Are you two close?” Ryuuji asked Utsuro, “You and that Yuuya person?”

“...not really,” Utsuro replied, “I think we’ve talked… once or twice.”

“It’s still thoughtful of him to come see you, though,” Ryuuji said with a smile. “Are you happy to see him?”

Utsuro nodded slowly. 

“Yuuya… I think he’s a nice person.”

“I’m glad he came to visit,” Ryuuji said with a smile, “You’re making friends.”

 

Utsuro was back in school a few days later, almost looking perfectly healthy except for the cast on his right arm. 

Yuuya noticed he was getting quite a lot of attention, mainly from his friends, asking him if he was okay, if he was still feeling pain, or expressing their sympathy. 

“I’m fine now,” Yuuya heard Utsuro say many times, “Don’t worry about it, I can still use my left hand.”

  
  


“Leone, you called?”

Yuuya walked into the staff room, looking around – mostly because there was a “STAFF ONLY” sign outside, and clearly he was not meant to be one – but nobody was in here anyway. 

The room was pretty dark, but Yuuya could see a few spots of lights of the electrical panel on the wall. His hand felt around the wall, and eventually he found the light switch. 

Yuuya realized then that someone was already standing behind him, and almost jumped in fright – as he turned around though, it was the familiar face of his supervisor. 

“Leone! Fuck, you scared the shit out of me!”

“How have you been?” Leone asked casually asked as he walked over to pick up a timetable, “Got anything to report?”

“Not really,” Yuuya replied, “I mean, Utsuro’s back in school, so I guess that’s a start.”

“You visited the hospital, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, met Dr. Kawara. He seems pretty friendly.”

“Looks deceive,” Leone reminded him, “But you know, any intel will do.”

“When something exciting happens, I’ll tell you,” Yuuya sighed, “But now he doesn’t even have a home to run away with though, since he’s living with Kawara.”

“You understand that he doesn’t need to run away on his own, right?” Leone asked, “You can give him a hand.”

“Provide transportation?”

“Do as you see fit,” Leone replied while filling out the timetable – he then put it back where he got it, and turned to Yuuya. 

“There’s something I’d like your assistance in,” he said, “Are you free this Saturday?”

“Sure…”

Leone was about to say something when they heard the door creak open – they both instinctively turned to look at who it was – 

 

Utsuro timidly stuck his head through the door, looking into the room.

“Yeah, Mr. One! I think someone spilled food in one of the boys’ bathroom stalls!”

“Really? I just cleaned it up, too...” The janitor sighed, “Which floor is it again?”

“The second floor,” Yuuya replied, “It’s the one near the teacher’s office.”

“Fine, I’ll go check it out later,” the janitor said as he turned to look at Utsuro – “Yo, kid, you need anything from me?”

“N… no, not really,” Utsuro replied while glancing at Yuuya, “I… I guess I’ll just leave.”

“Yeah, go back to class or something.” The janitor turned to look at Yuuya, giving him a sharp look – “You too.”

“But it’s lunchtime…”

“Then quit bothering me, I’ve got other things to do,” the janitor said as he picked up a bucket and mop, then walked out of the room. 

Utsuro watched him walk down the hallway, and then down the stairs. 

“Hey, Utsuro,” Yuuya greeted, “What are you doing here?”

Utsuro shook his head as they both walked out of the staff room. 

“Are you feeling better now?” Yuuya asked, pointing at his cast – “Can you write like that?”

“The teacher’s letting me use my computer, so I’m fine,” Utsuro replied, “But rather than that, uh… 

“I’ve got something I want to talk to you about, Yuuya.”

Yuuya smiled, and nodded. “Sure.”

  
  


“So how is it, living with Kawara?”

“It’s fine,” Utsuro replied, “He’s treating me nicely, I guess.”

“Is he married? Does he have kids?”

Utsuro shook his head.

“It must be tough for you,” Yuuya said as he took out his cigarettes, “Adapting to a new environment, moving somewhere new, having to put everything behind you…”

Utsuro only watched as Yuuya casually lit his cigarette, then put his lighter back into his pocket.

 

“It’s bad to smoke, you know.”

‘What, because I’ll die sooner?” Yuuya asked, “We all die either way, so it doesn’t really matter.”

Utsuro was silent for a while, but he only looked away and nodded. Yuuya offered it to Utsuro, only to have Utsuro shake his head.

 

“What did you want to talk to me about, by the way?”

“No, I just… want to ask,” Utsuro said, “Why did you visit me in the hospital?”

“Why, like that’s not allowed?”

“You don’t know me that well,” Utsuro said, “The one time we talked was… about running away from home.”

“I approached you twice about it,” Yuuya corrected, “The first time was down in the hallway, and then the second one is up at the rooftop.”

Utsuro looked at Yuuya, confused.

“...twice?”

“Yeah, you don’t seem to remember the first time we talked back then, too,” Yuuya sighed, “I don’t really care, though, although I have to admit it was strange.”

“I don’t remember meeting you before us talking on the rooftop.”

“Told you it doesn’t matter.”

“...anyway,” Utsuro sighed, “Why did you tell me to run away?”

Yuuya fell silent for a while – 

–  _ how are you supposed to tell someone that their whole life might be a lie? _

“...it doesn’t matter anymore now, does it?” Yuuya said, “Or are you thinking of running away from Kawara?”

“Not really but…”

Utsuro fell silent for a while, before letting out a sigh.

“...I suppose it really doesn’t matter.”

  
  



	5. Reset

“Hey, Yuuya.”

“Hmm?”

“What do you think it means… to be human?”

“...well, frankly, that’s some deep existential question right there. Why do you ask?”

“...I don’t know, it just occured to me to ask.”

“I mean, I suppose it doesn’t really mean anything, since all that lives will one day die. That means us, too.”

“Have you ever killed someone?”

“...do I look like it?”

“...I guess not. Sorry.”

“Well, to be completely honest, I came pretty close to killing someone, but he just ended up at a hospital.”

“Do you ever think about stuff like, why am I alive?”

“Man, all the time.”

“Like, do you think it’ll make a difference whether or not I’m here?”

  
  


Yuuya could only stand still in shock, upon looking at the scene in front of him –

He quickly turned around and ran away. 

Why he did that, he had no idea. 

 

The sight haunted him. 

Utsuro lying on the ground, a pool of blood around his neck –

No, no,

_ It can’t be true.  _

What was he doing in that alley? What got him killed? Who would do this? His family was killed in the explosion, and now he, too –

Who’s going after them, and why?

  
  


Utsuro disappeared from school after that. 

But life seemed to go on as usual, except for Yuuya. 

No announcements about his death or anything. His friends didn’t seem to notice his disappearance either, despite his desk being empty. 

Maybe they just don’t know what happened to him yet?

But shouldn’t there be some changes? How come he just disappeared into the void?

 

It almost felt like a trance. 

 

Until a week later, as Yuuya was heading to the rooftop to have a smoke –

There he was, Ichijou Utsuro, sitting alone on the bench. 

 

“Hey.”

Utsuro turned to look at Yuuya, surprised. 

“How are you feeling?” Yuuya asked, trying to sound casual, “Want a smoke?”

“Smoking isn’t allowed in school,” Utsuro replied, “Also… who are you?”

 

Yuuya was overcome with a strange feeling. 

Utsuro was certainly sitting next to him, but to him… Yuuya must’ve just seemed like a stranger. 

 

“...forget it,” Yuuya sighed as he gave his hand to Utsuro, “Ichijou Utsuro, right?”

Utsuro looked at him hesitantly, but he nevertheless nodded and shook Yuuya’s hand.

“Sakazaki Yuuya. Nice to meet you.”

 

~•~

“I’m home.”

Utsuro closed the door behind him as he walked into the office. Ryuuji was sitting behind his desk as usual, working on something on the computer.

“Oh hey!” Ryuuji greeted, “How’s school?”

“It’s fine.”

He put his backpack on the floor before circling around the table to walk to Ryuuji. Ryuuji stopped typing then, turning around to Utsuro and mussing his hair.

“You wanna go get something to eat? Ice cream?”

Utsuro nodded.

“Okay, let me finish this evaluation real quick!” Ryuuji said as he turned back to his computer. “Did anything interesting happen at school?”

“I met a weird kid at school today,” Utsuro said, “I don’t know, it just really stuck out to me.”

“What did he do?”

“Nothing really, just started chatting me up,” he replied, “He acted like he knew me, for some reason.”

Ryuuji stopped typing suddenly, turning to Utsuro with a gleam of interest in his eyes.

“I guess he mistook you for someone else.”

“I don’t know,” Utsuro sighed, “Anyway, made a friend. Sort of.”

“Good for you then! What’s his name?”

“Yuuya… Sakazaki Yuuya,” Utsuro replied, trying to remember, “We talked a bit. He’s like, a year above me and stuff…”

He turned to look at Ryuuji then, who seemed to have entirely stopped working and talking.

“...doctor?” Utsuro called, “Is anything wrong?”

Ryuuji was silent for a few more seconds, as if deep in thought, before smiling and shaking his head.

“No, it’s fine! I was just thinking about some budget allocations…”

“...I see.”

“You know what, I’ll finish this later,” Ryuuji said as he got up, “Let’s go out, Utsuro!”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry abt the slow ass updates my dudes


	6. Chapter 6

“You wanna try one?”

Utsuro looked at the pack of cigarettes Yuuya was offering him, and then shook his head.

“Daddy’s going to be angry if he finds out.”

“Oh, who gives a shit,” Yuuya sighed as he lit one for himself, “As long as you don’t go around telling people, nobody will really know.”

“Smoking is still prohibited in school…”

“Oh, come on,” Yuuya said with a shrug, “You think I’m the only one who smokes around here?”

Utsuro fell silent at that – 

Think about it, sometimes when he walked around the backyard, he could faintly smell tobacco as well. 

“...I guess not,” Utsuro muttered, “But I still don’t think I should.”

“Okay then, I won’t force you,” Yuuya said, “Is your dad really strict or something?”

“He’s… not really my dad,” Utsuro replied, “I just live with him now, since my family abandoned me, but I call him daddy.”

“So the story’s changed, huh?”

Utsuro turned to Yuuya, confused – “The story?”

Yuuya shook his head with a smile. 

“Nothing to worry about.”

“You’re weird, Yuuya,” Utsuro sighed, “But that’s fine.”

“Did I tell you about my family? How my dad died when I was young?”

Utsuro shook his head.

“So yeah, that’s a thing that happened, I guess,” Yuuya explained… very vaguely. “I live with my stepdad now. Used to, anyway, before moving here.”

“So who do you live with now?”

“Alone, kind of?” Yuuya shrugged, “I mean, I have a housemate, but I’m not with my parents anymore.”

“You’re so strong,” Utsuro praised, “I can’t imagine living alone…”

“I mean, it’d suck without my housemate,” Yuuya said, “But I can deal with not having my parents around. I hate my stepdad anyway.”

  
  


They sat in silence for a few more minutes – 

Utsuro looked up to the sky, while Yuuya was busy smoking. A few minutes later he pulled out his cigarette from his mouth and slowly exhaled the smoke into the air, almost like a dragon. 

“Pretty cool, huh?” Yuuya asked as he noticed Utsuro was staring at him – “You sure you don’t wanna give it a shot?”

Utsuro shook his head.

“Or actually you know what, I thought of something cool,” Yuuya said, “Why don’t you lean in a little closer?”

So Utsuro did, slightly leaning towards Yuuya as he put the cigarette back in his mouth. 

“Okay, open your mouth a little.”

“What are we doing…?”

Utsuro obediently opened his mouth anyway. Yuuya made sure to inhale as much smoke as he could –

He then leaned over, lightly pressing his lips against Utsuro’s, breathing the smoke of cigarette to him. 

He could feel Utsuro stiffen slightly under him, but he wasn’t exactly pulling away, either. 

 

It all felt so strange.

Utsuro was existing there, with him – and yet it all felt so ephemeral, as if time had frozen. 

Yuuya opened his eyes a little, studying Utsuro’s face as much as he could – 

He could feel the warmth of Utsuro’s lips, his eyes were closed, relaxed – 

_ He’s beautiful, _ Yuuya realized.

 

He noticed Utsuro was blushing as he pulled away.

“How’s that?” Yuuya asked, “You good?”

“I… like it, actually,” Utsuro replied, flustered – “It’s… it’s like, bitter, but good.”

“You sure you don’t want one?”

“Uh, I…” Utsuro shook his head nervously, “I guess not, but… I want to do that again.”

“What, you mean kissing?”

“I don’t know, it’s…” Utsuro looked away shyly, “Forget it, I guess. It’s weird, isn’t it…”

But instead Yuuya leaned in, once again pressing his lips against Utsuro’s, and this time holding him closer. 

Just like the first time, Utsuro stiffened in surprise – but he seemed to ease into it much easier this time, revelling in the kiss. Yuuya slowly slid his tongue into Utsuro’s mouth, and he could feel Utsuro almost wriggling under him, clearly unused to it – but he was trying to kiss back nevertheless.

Utsuro was so warm, so tender, so real.

 

Utsuro smiled sheepishly as he pulled away a few seconds later, busy catching his breath. 

“It’s… kind of embarrassing…”

“Oh, was that your first time?”

Utsuro nodded.

“I like it though.”

“I like it too,” Yuuya said, “And I think I really like you, too.”

“Really?” Utsuro was blushing again, “I’m glad, then.”

“Would be nice if we can just do this forever, right?”

 

_ I simply… want him to remember this, to remember me. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mostly self indulgent shuuya LMAO


	7. Chapter 7

Utsuro put his bag down on the sofa with a sigh. 

Ryuuji wasn’t in the room with him – he’s probably out on some meeting or busy in the lab, seeing how most of the papers on his desk were gone, too – so Utsuro had the room all to himself.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it all day – 

_ What I did with Yuuya on the rooftop, that’s… that’s definitely… _

He could feel his cheeks getting flustered again. Oh no…

But it was difficult to take his mind off it – the way Yuuya so casually leaned in to kiss him, the slight bitter taste in his mouth –

_ It’s embarrassing, but… but I kind of want to do it again, and other things too… _

Utsuro couldn’t help but feel his pants tightened up a little, so he looked down, and as expected, he was hard. How embarrassing…

He could only sigh as he turned to take a book out of his bag and start reading, just to take his mind off of it.

~•~

 

“You want me to take you off this mission?”

Yuuya gave a nod. 

“Why should I, though?”

“I just feel like I’m not having progress.”

“You just need to be patient and keep at it,” Leone said, “You haven’t been here for long anyway, just a semester. You’re doing fine.”

“No, Leone, you don’t get it…” Yuuya sighed, “I don’t know, I just feel like… I’m not fit for this.”

“But why?” Leone asked, “Talk to me, Sakazaki, or I won’t know what the issue is.”

“I don’t know, it’s just…” Yuuya sighed, “I’m getting too attached, I guess?”

Leone turned to look at Yuuya, demanding more explanation.

“It’s for everyone’s good, okay,” Yuuya replied, “If I let my emotions play into this, I don’t know if I can even carry this mission out anymore…”

“You mean as, you like that Utsuro kid?”

Yuuya sighed as he nodded.

“Come on, Sakazaki, he’s not even a real person,” Leone brushed off casually, “You’re just overthinking it.”

“...overthinking, is it…”

Yuuya sighed as he got up to walk out of the room.

“I guess.”

 

“Hey, you’re going home?”

Yuuya turned around just before he got to the door – Leone walked towards him then, and wrapped his arm around Yuuya’s shoulder.

“If it gets tough, don’t hesitate to tell me, alright?” Leon said, “You can take your time with this mission. I mean, the Hawks will try to be careful about their information if they’re researching something this controversial.”

Yuuya nodded.

“You’ll be fine, kid, I have faith in you.”

“Thanks, Leone.”

 

Yuuya walked out of the janitor’s closet and closed the door behind him. 

He walked down to his locker, took out a few books before he closed it back and turned to leave – 

“Oh, hey there, Yuuya!”

Yuuya felt a hand grab his shoulder, and immediately turned around, alerted –

Standing behind him was Ryuuji, with a big, happy smile on his face.

“Yuuya, right? You’re the one who visited Utsuro in the hospital?”

Yuuya nodded and tried his best to smile – “Nice to meet you again, Dr. Kawara.”

“How have you been?” Ryuuji asked in a friendly tone, “Why are you still hanging around at school? It’s almost 5 PM now.”

“I was in my club, you know, the astronomy club,” Yuuya lied casually, “We’re going on an outing soon, so the planning kind of took long.”

“Ooh, astronomy? That’s some good stuff right there!”

Yuuya nodded with a smile – 

Looking at Ryuuji like this, and not as ‘the target’, he just seemed like a… normal person. 

“You know, I specialize in biology, but I kind of want to learn astronomy too! Space is just so cool!”

“Yeah, a lot of interesting things,” Yuuya replied, “But why are you here, doctor?”

“Oh, me? I’m just visiting a friend,” Ryuuji said, “The infirmary doctor, we used to go to med school together.”

“I see…”

“Anyway, how have you been? How’s school?” Ryuuji asked, “Utsuro said you’ve been trying to chat him up?”

“Yes…”

“Well, that’s good!” Ryuuji said, patting Yuuya on the back, “Be nice to him, alright? I don’t know, but I think he’s kind of distant from his other friends. He never talks about them.”

_ Probably because he doesn’t remember any of them?  _ Yuuya thought, but decided not to say it out.

“...and if you dare hurt him, I will personally gut you, how about that?”

Yuuya turned to Ryuuji at this sudden threat, and noticed that Ryuuji’s expression had changed slightly into a darker one – 

He was still smiling, but something felt… sinister about it.

Not surprising. Yuuya knew what Ryuuji meant anyways.

_ “Don’t tell him the truth.” _

 

“I’ll protect him,” Yuuya replied, “Don’t worry about it.”

“You seem like a good kid, you know,” Ryuuji said with a smile, “I hope we maintain this good relationship.

“Anyway, I guess this is where I’ll let you go,” Ryuuji said as they arrived at the main door, “Are you going to walk home?”

“Yeah, it’s not that far away.”

“Well, I’m going to drive, so…” Ryuuji smiled, friendly and cheerful this time – “See you around, Yuuya.”

“See you around! Tell Utsuro I said hi.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey, Utsuro.”

Utsuro looked up as three of his friends stood around his table, smiling mischievously.

“How can I help you?”

“You didn’t tell us you’re dating somebody.”

“What do you mean?” Utsuro asked, trying his best to stay calm, “That’s… there’s nothing like that.”

“Oh, come on now!” his friend said playfully, “Don’t worry, everyone would definitely bang Yuuya too, okay.”

“Yeah, he must be interested in you too! He asks about you a lot, so I just knew this day is going to come!”

“He asks about me a lot?” Utsuro asked, confused – “But we meet every day, there’s… really no reason to.”

“There were a few days when you were out sick, I think, and he kept asking us if we’d heard anything,” they replied, “But you know, you’re fine after all.”

“I don’t remember being sick at all this semester…”

“What?” “Man, Utsuro, you’re so forgetful!”

Utsuro tried to remember – but yeah, he definitely was here all semester… or at least that’s what he thought.

“You were gone for like, a week? Like two months ago?” his friend asked, and his other friends nodded. “I don’t know man, but you’re here now, and that’s all that matters, right?”

~•~

“Is it true that I was gone for a week?”

Yuuya turned to Utsuro, seemingly surprised at this question.

(But at the same time of course he knew what was happening.

(He just couldn’t bear to say it.)

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, it came up in conversation,” Utsuro replied, “My friends were talking about how worried you are when I was gone.”

“I thought you were sick, so I asked them if they knew any news.”

“I don’t remember taking any days off,” Utsuro replied, “This is strange. I would remember being gone from school for a week.

“And if I was gone, why would you bother asking about me?” he asked, turning to Yuuya – “We’ve only known each other for… not a long time. A month or so?”

“...yes.”

_ I feel like I’ve known you for much longer,  _ Yuuya thought, 

_ but nothing can make up that lost time now. _

 

“It’s not that important, right?”

Utsuro turned to Yuuya, confused, but Yuuya only smiled.

He felt a bit of bitterness inside – right now he must act as the devil, hiding the truth from Utsuro, although he too so desperately wanted Utsuro to be aware of it.

 

“You know what’d be nice?”

“Hmm?”

“If we can… just stay like this forever.”

  
  


Yuuya took out his box of cigarettes, offering it to Utsuro, but he shook his head, as always.

“It helps, you know,” Yuuya replied, “Makes you relax.”

“That’s because of the nicotine,” Utsuro replied, “Other than that, it doesn’t really taste good, and it’s not good for your health either.”

“Well, if you think of it, we’ll all die anyway,” Yuuya said, lighting his cigarette, “And boy I can’t wait to die.”

“Even a horrible, painful death is fine by you?”

Yuuya was silent for a second – 

 

His mind wandered back to that day, when he found Utsuro’s body in the back alley.

His first instinct, for some reason, was to run away.

It was too much to look at, too much to think about – 

 

Even now, there’s a sense of fear in his heart – 

How easily everything can be undone. Everything could easily disappear tomorrow, or an hour from now…

 

“It’s like… being in a nightmare.”

Yuuya sighed as he leaned over to rest his head on Utsuro’s shoulder.

“I want to wake up,” Yuuya said, “And when I do, I want you to be there with me.”

Utsuro was silent for a second, as if unsure what to do – 

But a few seconds later, he automatically raised his hand to gently pet Yuuya’s hair.

“...I will,” he muttered softly, “I don’t know what happened or how I can help, but I want to stay with you.”

~•~

The room was almost entirely silent as Ryuuji walked across the stage towards the podium. A few reporters got up from their seats immediately as Ryuuji stood behind the podium and started straightening up the notes for his talk –

“So, uh, hello! Nice to meet everyone again!” Ryuuji greeted, almost too casual in this rather formal situation – “Today we’re here to talk about, um, the artificial human…

“Progress is going well! We’ve done four trials so far,” he began explaining, “The first one has an abnormally weak immune system, and died of a disease just a few weeks after it was born. The second and third one died in a simulated terrorist attack – one from suffocation of smoke, and the other from being crushed by a debris. As for the fourth, he managed to survive with a few burns, but…” Ryuuji quickly flipped through his notes, “He was found dead in an alley, somehow. We decided not to report it to the police, because we feared investigation would interfere with our research.”

“Question, doctor.”

“Go ahead?”

Ryuuji looked up to the audience – he couldn’t really see who was asking the question, being so far away, but one of the staffs was handing him the microphone.

“By these trials, do you mean… the subject, the artificial human, died, and was revived over and over again?”

“You can put it that way.”

“Does this affect the subject at all?”

“Oh, he doesn’t carry any memories from the past trials,” Ryuuji replied, “Although we do have certain things programmed into his memory, so at least he has this in every trial. You know, basic things like his name, who his parents are, what happened to them…

“Except the one that’s still alive right now! We decided not to put him through the simulated terrorist attack again, so his memory is altered to the scenario that his parents abandoned him.

“Things are… going pretty well, I would say!” Ryuuji concluded, “The aim is to see how well he fits in society, basically.”

“I have a question.”

Ryuuji looked over, and… this person was even further away. They must be sitting at the very far back.

“What do you intend to do after you managed to make all these trials successful?”

“Oh, probably just, make a few more, set them loose,” Ryuuji replied, “But there are many different applications, you know. We can give them resistance and better physical capabilities, send them places where no man would go!”

  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

“Why did you decide to do this job, Sakazaki?”

 

Leone asked him the question casually one day, when they had just finished their mission. 

Yuuya clearly remembered it. Leone was driving the car and they were going through the highway, far away from the city. 

How many years ago was this? How old was he then, fourteen?

 

“Why do you ask?” Yuuya asked back, “Am I… not doing well?”

“No, you’re fine. You’re doing an excellent job,” Leone replied, “And that’s why I’m wondering. You’re like, good with computers and stuff, you have your way with people… why not do a normal, legal job?”

“I mean, this is a legal job.”

“Well…” Leone sighed, “I guess you can argue that, but I just don’t get it, you know?

“Go to school, graduate, get a good job, buy yourself a good house, get married or something,” Leone went on, “You’re still young, Sakazaki. I can’t really think of why a good lad like you would throw away his life to be a spy.”

Yuuya didn’t reply. 

“I’m not like, pushing you to quit, but do you ever think about it?”

“I mean… it’s fun to be a spy.”

“...we ain’t playing games here, kid,” Leone sighed, “You can die here.”

“But then why are you an agent, Mr. Leone?”

“It’s a long story,” Leone replied, quick and cold, clearly unwilling to say anything more. 

“Is it because of your family? Your stepdad?” Leone asked, “You just wanna get away from him?”

“That’s part of the reason, I guess.”

“Think about your mum, kid. How’s she going to feel if you die?”

 

Yuuya was silent for a second –

Right, his family.

His mother was the only one who cared about him. His stepfather, his brother, and pretty much everyone else just saw him as an outsider. Someone who shouldn’t be there, someone less –

Which isn’t wrong, but the rejection still hurt. 

 

“That’s why my mum doesn’t know I’m doing this.”

“Goodness, kid,” Leone sighed. “You’re like a child soldier.”

“I’m… I’m not a child!”

“You’ve lived your entire life fighting, you know?” Leone said, “Like when you told me about your stepdad killing your dad. How nobody else accepts you except your mum. You’re bitter, but now that you can’t do anything about it, you just decided to throw away your life. Isn’t that the case?”

~•~

“Who are these people?”

Utsuro was looking through Yuuya’s phone – specifically, through the photo albums. Yuuya was laying on the bench, resting his head on Utsuro’s lap while Utsuro gently caressed his hair.

Utsuro showed the screen of the phone to Yuuya – it was a picture of Yuuya with a few other guys, all of them wearing a formal suit and standing on a garden.

“Oh, those are just my friends from military,” Yuuya replied – which isn’t exactly a lie, but still. 

“You went to the military?”

“My stepdad made me join,” Yuuya replied, “I’m sure he just wanted to get me out of the house. Some pretty useful training, though.”

“That’s really cool!”

“Thanks,” Yuuya replied, smiling.

“Do you still talk with them?”

“Some of them, sometimes,” Yuuya replied, “They’re good people, but everyone’s just busy now.”

 

_ This is so peaceful, _ Yuuya thought.

For some reason, he’d never imagined something like this ever happening to him. 

Just to… settle down with the person he loves, without a care for anything else that’s going on in the world.

  
  


But still, Yuuya knew –

Somewhere at the back of his head, he was terrified.

Maybe it was the realization that Utsuro wasn’t that different from himself – that he too never had a real purpose to live. 

 

“Hey, Utsuro.”

“Hmm?”

Yuuya let out a sigh as he sat up, and turned to look at Utsuro. Utsuro seemed confused, but didn’t say anything as Yuuya got up and walked away. 

“Wait, Yuuya, where are you going…”

“Come on.”

“Eh?”

“Let’s get out of here.”

“W… what do you mean, Yuuya?” Utsuro asked, “Where are we going?”

Yuuya, almost impatient, walked over to Utsuro and grabbed his arm, forcing him to come along. 

“Just trust me on this, will you?”

  
  


Utsuro didn’t say anything as Yuuya led him out of the school, into a dark alley.

Yuuya abruptly slowed down as they entered the dark alley – Yuuya then looked around, although there weren’t really anything but trash cans –

“Do you remember this place?”

Utsuro shook his head, “I’ve never even been to this side of school before. Why did you bring me here?”

Yuuya finally let go of Utsuro’s hand, and walked a few steps further away from him. 

“...a few weeks ago, I found a dead body here.”

“R… really?” Utsuro asked, now nervous – “Did you… report it to the police or anything? Is it a student from our school?”

Yuuya didn’t say anything – Utsuro could see that he was taking something out of his pocket, probably a cigarette. 

“I don’t know how to put this nicely, so…” Yuuya sighed, “Sorry in advance.”

“What do you mean?”

As Yuuya turned around to face him, Utsuro noticed he has a knife in his hand. 


	10. Chapter 10

“Yo, Utsuro!”

Ryuuji walked into his office to find it… completely empty. 

_...that’s strange. _

It was almost 5 PM, and usually Utsuro would already have arrived at 3.

There were no signs of Utsuros’s presence anywhere in the room. Usually he would have put down his backpack on the couch, or a few papers and books laid out at the table – but none of that today.

Ryuuji closed the door behind him as he took out his phone from his pocket.

He dialed Utsuro’s number first –

No answer. 

He sighed as he called his secretary. 

“Hi, Mami! Are you busy right now? So it seems like Utsuro isn’t home yet, can you check on him?”

~•~

Feels dark… warm, and fuzzy. 

There’s something soft under him – makes him feel comfortable.

As his senses were slowly coming back, he could feel a hand gently caressing his hair, could hear the low hum of the air conditioner in the distance. 

Feels so peaceful, for some reason.

Utsuro slowly blinked his eyes open – 

 

The first thing he immediately saw was Yuuya, just above him. 

“Shhhh,” Yuuya whispered softly, “You’re fine, Utsuro.”

“...Yuuya?”

“You’re fine,” Yuuya said again, almost with a tone of urgency – “You’re fine. Are you feeling hurt anywhere?”

Utsuro’s mind wandered, trying to think what happened before this –

 

He could recall being in an alley with Yuuya, when suddenly he took out a knife, and…

 

“...did you stab me?”

Yuuya didn’t reply.

Utsuro couldn’t feel any pain right now, so that probably isn’t the case. 

How many hours has it been now?

“It doesn’t hurt anywhere, right?”

Utsuro shook his head – and he could see a faint smile on Yuuya’s lips. 

Yuuya then leaned over, kissing Utsuro on the forehead, before he got up and walked away.

“Let me get you some water, okay?”

Utsuro only watched as Yuuya creaked open the door, and left the room. 

Finally, he lifted the blanket he was wrapped in – he found that he was still wearing his school uniform, only now unbuttoned, and…

HIs stomach was wrapped in a bandage, and there was a patch of blood around it.

 

“Ahhh!”

Yuuya quickly rushed to the bedroom door as he heard Utsuro’s shriek.

Once inside, he found that in his attempts to get out of bed, Utsuro had fallen off. 

“Are you okay?” Yuuya asked immediately as he leaned over to help him up – only Utsuro slapped him away. 

“What did you do to me?!” Utsuro shouted angrily, “Where is this place? Take me home right now!”

“Utsuro, you’re not in danger,” Yuuya replied calmly, “This is my apartment, and you’ll be safe here, okay?”

“You stabbed me!”

“I didn’t mean any harm,” Yuuya said – “I know that sounds very wrong, but I never meant any harm.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

Utsuro then hissed in pain, his hand instinctively holding the part of his stomach that was bleeding.

“Does it hurt anywhere? Should I get you more painkillers?”

“I want to go home!”

“...I can’t let you.”

“Then explain to me what’s going on!”

“Utsuro, it’s…” Yuuya sighed and looked away, “It’s a long story, but you have to stay here.”

“What about daddy then?” Utsuro shot back, “He… he must be worried for me. I have to go home…”

“No, Utsuro, that’s the last place you need to be at right now,” Yuuya replied, “If this place isn’t comfortable enough for you, that’s fine, I can take you somewhere nicer, but you’re not going back.”

“But why, Yuuya?”

“Just trust me on this,” Yuuya said, “Please.”

Utsuro looked up at him for a second, as if wondering – is this really happening right now?

But he remained silent.

“I’m sorry, Utsuro.”

But Utsuro didn’t say anything in return. Yuuya couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous at this, but… what could he do.

“For now, you should just rest, okay? Let that wound heal,” Yuuya said, “Come on, let me help you up.”

Utsuro was silent as Yuuya picked him up from the floor and placed him on the bed – 

Yuuya could feel that Utsuro was angry at him, but well.

“Are you hungry? I can make you something,” Yuuya offered – but Utsuro didn’t say anything in return. Is he that angry…?

 

“Yo, Sakazaki, are you…”

Yuuya and Utsuro quickly turned to the voice, and saw Leone standing by the door. Leone seemed quite surprised upon seeing the two of them there, too.

Leone stood there frozen for a second, clearly surprised, but a few seconds later he turned to Yuuya.

“Sakazaki, come here for a sec.”

“...okay,” Yuuya sighed as he got up, “Utsuro, I’ll be right back, okay?”

  
  


Leone led Yuuya outside the apartment, and closed the door behind them.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Yuuya sighed, “Fine, I’m sorry.”

“You’re compromising the whole mission!” Leone said angrily, “What if Kawara tracks us here? There goes our cover, boy, and we’re dead!”

“I’ll take responsibility for that…”

“Yeah, they’re gonna shoot you first!”

Yuuya fell silent then, looking away. Leone looked at him, almost as if in pity, before he sighed and looked around to see if anyone saw them.

“...I’m sorry.”

“That won’t cut it,” Leone sighed, “Why are you doing this, Yuuya? I know you’re not trying to screw us over, but why?”

“Isn’t this what they’ll expect of us eventually?”

“Oh, come on, we know you’re not doing this for the mission.”

“Leone, he’s my friend,” Yuuya said firmly, “I can’t let Kawara do all these horrible things to him…”

“Can you really say he’s your friend?” Leone asked back, “I showed you Kawara’s speech, didn’t I? Every time he dies, he forgets everything. Even if they look the same and they have the same name, they’re not the same. Just like twins – they come out of the same womb, but they’re not the same person.”

Yuuya fell silent – this time his expression looked more somber, afraid.

“If he’s just going to die and forget everything, there’s no point to this,” Leone went on, “Don’t put your feelings into this, Sakazaki, cause he sure as hell aren’t.”

“...Utsuro is human.”

“Fine, whatever,” Leone sighed, “But what you have to admit, Yuuya, is that he’s not the same person you befriended. 

“That’s why I’m not letting him die again.”

Leone sighed, “Sakazaki…”

“I know I’m being selfish,” Yuuya said, “For me, for him, for everyone else, but I still… want to do it.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

“Hey, Utsuro, are you feeling better?”

Utsuro had his back against Yuuya, clearly uninterested in replying. Yuuya could only smile patiently as he gently caressed Utsuro’s head. 

“Are you still mad at me?” Yuuya asked, “Can I… make it up to you somehow?”

“Just explain what is going on,” Utsuro muttered, “You’re hiding something from me.”

“Well, I…”

“Who’s that other man?”

“He’s Leone. Don’t worry about him, he’s just a roommate,” Yuuya replied, “He was just mad at me for bringing you in so suddenly, but he’s nice.”

“Why can’t I go home?”

“I’m keeping you as a hostage.”

Utsuro turned around slightly upon hearing this, and saw that Yuuya was smiling cheerfully as usual. 

“...you’re creeping me out.”

“I mean it,” Yuuya replied, “The good side of this is, I’m going to keep you safe.”

“Why are you doing this, Yuuya?”

“I… don’t know,” Yuuya replied, “I guess I’m just being selfish.”

 

Yes, that must be it. 

Leone told him, about how it’s compromising the mission –

Utsuro told him too, that he wants to go home. 

It’s not too late to put him at the back of his motorcycle and drive him home and say they were in a fight and Utsuro got wounded, but…

 

“I don’t know. It’s such a strange feeling…”

Yuuya sighed as he took Utsuro’s hand in his –

So warm, so tender. 

“Now that you’re here, I don’t ever want to let you go.”

 

Utsuro didn’t say anything to this – he just continued staring at Yuuya for a few more seconds, before he sighed and turned away.

“Yuuya, I… want to believe you’re doing this for good.”

“Thank you.”

Utsuro slowly raised his hand to cup Yuuya’s cheek, a little smile on his face.

So beautiful, innocent – 

~•~

“You haven’t found him yet?” 

Ryuuji sighed as he turned to look at his secretary, who had just entered the room.

“Alright, please keep looking. Thank you, officer.”

“Doctor, someone’s here to see you.”

“I’m busy, Mami,” Ryuuji sighed, “This is kind of important. If Utsuro had been kidnapped, he could have fallen into the hands of… I don’t know, some other researcher, and it won’t be good…”

“It’s Ryouta.”

Ryuuji suddenly froze in place, turning to her with surprise.

“He’s here? What for?”

“He just said he wants to talk to you.”

 

“Ryouta!”

Ryuuji had a big grin on his face as he walked towards Ryouta, his arms wide open.

“How have you been? It’s been a while!”

“Hey, dad, I’ve…” Ryouta smiled nervously, “I’m fine. Have you been busy?”

“Kind of… why didn’t you tell me earlier you’re coming? We could’ve gone out for food or something!”

“It’s just…”

“Come to my office! Come on, come on,” Ryuuji said as he led Ryouta inside, and then closed the door behind them.

“How’s school? How’s your mum?”

“Mum’s fine,” Ryouta replied, “She’s taking the medications as you prescribed. She gets tired more easily recently, though.”

“I should come visit some time, huh?” Ryuuji asked as he took out a box of candy, “Just to make sure she’s fine.”

Ryouta didn’t say anything.

“So what are you here for? Is there anything important happening?”

“No, I just… wanted to say hi.”

“That’s sweet of you!” Ryuuji handed Ryouta the box, “Take as much as you’d like.”

“Dad, I’m not a kid anymore, I’m twenty.”

“But no, there must be something important,” Ryuuji said as he sat down, “Why else would you come all the way here? Usually a phone call would cut it.”

Ryouta fell silent at this.

“Is your mum really okay?” Ryuuji asked, his tone slightly more serious – “Is her condition worsening?”

“No, she’s fine, really,” Ryouta replied, “It’s just…

“Dad, you’ve got to stop this.”

“Stop what?”

“Whatever experiment it is you’re doing,” Ryouta replied, “I know it’s important to you, and to science in general, but that kid’s human, too.”

“Ryouta…”

“Dad, this is like, the main reason you and mum divorced,” Ryouta sighed, “Are you really going to let it take over your entire life?”

“...look, that one was my fault,” Ryuuji said, “I wasn’t careful enough.”

“Mami told me he went missing.”

“We’re looking for him,” Ryuuji replied, “I have a tracker on him, but for some reason, it’s not working…”

“Dad, this is your chance,” Ryouta said, “Just let him be, please. He has the right to go on his life without living in whatever twisted reality you gave him.”

“Ryouta…”

“Or are you so deep into this that we can’t help you anymore?” Ryouta asked, a hint of anger in his voice – “I know you gave this your all, dad, and that’s why you’re so desperate to make it work, but the truth is you’re just… torturing yourself over this, and I hate seeing that!”

 


	12. Chapter 12

“Feeling better?”

Utsuro nodded without saying a word as he walked out of the bedroom. Yuuya was sitting on the dining table, looking at something on his laptop with earphone plugged into both ears, while Leone was watching some news.

“You hungry?” Leone asked.

“I’m fine…”

“You just lost a fuckton of blood, though. You should eat.” Leone turned to Yuuya, and pulled out one of his earphones.

“Hey, Sakazaki.”

“What, Leone?” Yuuya asked, sounding slightly annoyed – “I’m in the middle of something here…”

“Go make something for your boyfriend.”

“Eh?” Yuuya turned around, and upon seeing Utsuro a few steps behind him, quickly smiled. “Oh, man, I didn’t hear you! Really sorry about that!”

He quickly got up, closed his laptop, and headed over to the kitchen.

“We don’t have much, but what do you want?” Yuuya asked, “Pizza? Spaghetti? Sandwich? That’s about the extent of my cooking skills.”

“Sandwich, I guess…”

“Sure! What do you want on it?”

“I really don’t care…”

Yuuya opened the fridge, took out an egg, some lettuce, before fishing for more things inside. Utsuro leaned over, trying to help, but Yuuya gently pushed him away.

“No, no, you’re the guest here. Just relax, and it’ll be done soon!”

“But…”

“Come on now, let me be a good host.”

Utsuro didn’t really have any choice but to obediently nod and sit down.

He watched as Yuuya put the bread into a toaster, and started frying the eggs. 

“I don’t know if I’m just being weird or what, but this makes me happy,” Utsuro remarked. 

“Why, is it because someone as sexy and suave as me is cooking for you?”

Yuuya turned to look at Utsuro, half expecting some mockery or awkward glare –

But quite unexpectedly, Utsuro was smiling…

He seemed happy. 

“You two are like fucking newlyweds,” Leone shouted from outside, “Get a room.”

“Well, sorry that you don’t have a special someone yet, Leone!” Yuuya yelled back.

“You feeling good here?” Yuuya asked as he flipped over the egg, “Do you need anything? I didn’t exactly buy you clothes yet, so you can use mine for now, but don’t shower yet. Do you think you need to see a doctor?”

“I’m fine,” Utsuro replied, “I’m just worried about daddy.”

“Ah, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“No, it’s just… what if he starts looking for me?” Utsuro asked, “He must be worried. I should at least give him a call and tell him I’m staying over with you…”

“No.”

Utsuro turned to Yuuya, slightly confused.

“Let’s just not talk about him for now.”

“But, Yuuya…”

“I said no.”

Utsuro had no choice but shrink back in his seat quietly. 

 

Sure, nothing has exactly been ‘right’. 

Yuuya didn’t exactly deny that he stabbed Utsuro, but then if Yuuya had any bad intent, he wouldn’t have treated so Utsuro so kindly, giving him food and all…

He thought back to what Yuuya told him back then…

“I’m keeping you as a hostage,” he said, 

But for whom, and for what?

 

“Here you go!”

Yuuya served Utsuro the sandwich, with fried eggs, lettuce, and tomatoes.

“Thank you, Yuuya.”

“Don’t worry about it! I have to take care of you, after all!”

 

Yuuya seemed to be enjoying himself nevertheless…

That’s a good thing, right?

“Eat up and go rest,” Yuuya said, “Should I help you shower tonight?”

“Eh…?” 

“I mean, it’s not exactly showering… probably just gonna wipe your body with water, you know.”

“I mean, it’s… kind of embarrassing…” Utsuro looked away, blushing – “I… I think I’m fine, I’ll just go to bed…”

“Sure, if you’re more comfortable that way,” Yuuya replied, “Maybe next time?”

Utsuro nodded with a smile.

~•~

Utsuro was still asleep when Yuuya left for school the next day.

It felt a bit awkward to leave him at home like this, but this was part of his plan to start with…

Yuuya only sighed as he leaned over to kiss Utsuro on the cheek before he left.

  
  


Everything seemed pretty normal in school that day, except for the slight exception that Utsuro was missing.

His friends didn’t seem to notice his disappearance, just as it always has been.

 

Now that he thought about it, that’s kind of strange, too.

Usually, if someone goes missing in his class, because of sickness or anything, there would be someone who asked if anyone wants to try to contact the missing person, but…

Clearly, none of that was happening here.

 

_ Maybe I’m thinking too much into it,  _ Yuuya thought,  _ there’s no way Kawara would be trying to control the environment of a whole school, or at least a whole class. That’s just a ridiculous amount of effort… _

_...but I suppose, if he really wants this experiment to be perfect, that’s what he would do, to try to control the environment as best as he could… _

Yuuya sighed.

_ This is making my head hurt. _

 

He decided to walk around the school, around to the back yard – 

And he saw a familiar figure sitting on the bench, Ichijou Utsuro.

  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13

_ What time is it? _

The room was dark and almost entirely silent when Utsuro woke up. 

His abdomen wasn’t hurting so much anymore – he himself was pleasantly surprised at how painless it was. Maybe it wasn’t that deep of a scar after all. 

He looked around the room, and found that he was alone…

 

He could remember having dinner with Yuuya last night. If he wasn’t mistaken, Yuuya offered to help him shower too, but of course Utsuro refused…

After that, he got changed into one of Yuuya’s old shirts, and Yuuya tucked him in. 

The bed was clearly too small for both of them, so Utsuro rested his head on Yuuya’s lap –

He fell asleep almost immediately. 

 

It was one in the afternoon. Just what time did they go to bed last night?

Utsuro slowly got up – 

_ No school today, I guess.  _

 

Despite the unusual circumstances, it was nice to be living with Yuuya like this. 

He still had a lot of questions, but maybe they don’t matter for now. 

 

He got out of the room, and saw that the house was empty. Not even Leone was there…

Right, despite them living together, Yuuya didn’t really talk about Leone. 

 

For some strange reason, the first thought that crossed Utsuro’s mind was to call Ryuuji, since nobody would know –

Ryuuji would appreciate to know that he was alright, right?

But Utsuro didn’t see any phones laying around, or a normal landline phone…

 

Now he truly felt alone, almost trapped. 

 

School dismisses at three, so he had two hours. 

He decided to go back into the room and just lay down on the bed. Now he noticed a picture frame on the nightstand –

There were three people in the picture; one of them was definitely Yuuya, only a few years younger and minus the glasses; the other boy had light blue short hair just like Yuuya, only he seemed younger; and what Utsuro would guess to be their mother standing behind them. 

 

Utsuro thought back to his parents, who had abandoned him early in life –

He never met them – he never even thought about them anymore. Ryuuji was the one who had always been there for him since then. 

He couldn’t help but feel a bit of guilt, imagining how worried Ryuuji must be now that he’d suddenly gone missing. 

He walked back outside, sitting on the couch by the TV. 

There were a few files scattered out there, and also a laptop that seemed to be off. Utsuro decided not to touch it…

~•~

“Hey.”

Utsuro turned to look at the unfamiliar voice from behind him.

Yuuya sat down on the bench, next to Utsuro, with a friendly smile.

“How have you been?”

“...who are you?”

That question, for some reason, brought a sense of relief to Yuuya.

“...Sakazaki Yuuya,” he replied as he took out a pack of cigarettes, “You want one?”

Utsuro shook his head.

“It’s unusual to see you here.”

“What? I’m always here everyday,” Utsuro replied, “This is the only place where I can, you know, kind of be alone.”

“Oh, am I bothering you, then?” Yuuya asked, “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine.”

“But, you know, why not hang out with your friends?”

“Just not feeling it.”

Yuuya decided not to ask any more questions – he didn’t want to risk Utsuro ditching him, though. 

Still, it was such a strange feeling to be talking to Utsuro like this…

...while there’s another one who looks exactly like him, in his apartment. 

 

_ “Can you really call him your friend? _

_ “Don’t put your feelings into this.” _

 

Utsuro turned to look at him, as if going to ask him something else – but Yuuya seemed to have completely ignored him. 

“What about you? You’ve come here to talk to me and now you’re ignoring me.”

“Oh, I thought… I thought I’d try making a new friend,” Yuuya replied, “But if you want some quiet time, I don’t mind.”

Utsuro sighed, “You’re a weird one.”

“Well, this definitely isn’t the first time I’ve been told that.”

 

It felt so strange.

Utsuro was definitely sitting next to him, right here and now – 

But no.

Utsuro is supposed to be home.

_ What could he be doing right now?  _

_ Hopefully he’s comfortable, enjoying… I don’t know, there’s not a lot to enjoy at home.  _

_ I want to go home, just to see Utsuro…   _

Yuuya sighed as he turned to look at Utsuro, who was sitting next to him, looking confused– 

~•~

“I’m home.”

Yuuya was greeted by the sight of Utsuro sitting on the couch, watching TV. He quickly got up, walking to Yuuya.

“How’s school today?” Utsuro asked, “You’re home kind of late today.”

“Yeah, I had… an astronomy club,” Yuuya replied, “And also I bought us some food.”

“Should I arrange them for you?”

Utsuro reached his hand up, mussing Yuuya’s hair.

“You seem tired,” Utsuro remarked, “You’re like… quiet. I don’t know, but something’s off.”

“I’m fine,” Yuuya replied with a tired smile, “I’m happy to see you here.”

“Nothing bad happened, right?” Utsuro asked, concerned – “You can tell me if something’s going on, it’s okay.”

“No, I’m fine,” Yuuya insisted, “What have you been doing all day?”

“Nothing. I haven’t been awake for that long,” Utsuro replied.

“Have you eaten lunch?”

“Not really, but I’m not too hungry.”

“I bought a burger. Why don’t you heat that up in the microwave,” Yuuya placed a plastic bag on the table, “I’m just gonna get changed real quick.”

“Yuuya,” Utsuro cut, “Come on, something’s up. Tell me about it.”

Yeah, Yuuya may be denying it, but still – 

He was a lot quieter, a lot less cheerful. His eyes also seemed to carry some of that darkness –

Yuuya turned to Utsuro with a sigh –

“I’m fine.”

“You sound less and less convincing every time.”

“I’m just tired, okay? Give me some time.”

Utsuro fell silent then, looking away as if in regret and confusion –

Yuuya couldn’t help but feel his heart sink a little upon seeing that. Utsuro was just trying to be nice, he knew something was up and was trying to help, yet he pushed him away like that…

 

“...hey, look, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I was too pushy anyways…”

“I can’t… tell you what’s happening, still,” Yuuya said, “But… I don’t want you to worry about it.”

“Is it something important?” Utsuro asked – “You just seem really distracted.”

“I mean, kind of, I guess, but…” Yuuya sighed, “It won’t affect you anyways, so you shouldn’t worry.”

“Is it something dangerous?”

Yuuya shook his head.

“I’m worried for you, though,” Utsuro said, ruffling Yuuya’s hair again – “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, okay?”

Yuuya smiled upon hearing that.

“I love you too, Utsuro.”

He leaned over, pulling Utsuro closer and giving him a kiss on the lips.

For some reason, he thought Utsuro would try to push him away, but he didn’t – instead he seemed to ease into the kiss quite easily. He slowly brought his arms up to wrap around Yuuya’s neck, and kissed him back –

 

He felt so warm, so real. 

 

A few seconds later Yuuya pulled away, just to look at Utsuro –

He was blushing brightly, but Yuuya could tell that he liked it. 

“How about we try something else?”

“Is… is this okay, Yuuya? What if…”

“Fine, let’s go to my room so Leone doesn’t catch us.”

Utsuro hadn’t had a chance to say anything when Yuuya grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the room. 

Once they were inside, Yuuya quickly locked the door and unbuttoned his uniform, while Utsuro stood there speechless. 

“What, you don’t want to do this?” Yuuya asked, “Get on the bed.”

“B, but…”

“You don’t wanna do it?”

Yuuya yanked off his shirt as he walked closer to Utsuro, almost backing him off to the bed. Utsuro didn’t seem to mind though, and didn’t push him away either –

Yuuya leaned in to kiss Utsuro’s neck, before it quickly accelerated to nipping and sucking – Utsuro let out some soft moans, his hand digging into Yuuya’s hair and pulling him closer. 

“How do you like that?”

“It tickles,” Utsuro replied – there were some red bite marks on his neck and shoulder. “But it’s… it’s fine.”

“I want to mark you,” Yuuya whispered, “I need to… make you mine.”

“Getting possessive again, aren’t you?”

“Well, stop me, then.”

“But I kind of like you this way,” Utsuro said with a smile – “I guess it won’t hurt.”

“Are you sure?” Yuuya asked – “I want to do a lot of things to you, you know. Some of which may end up hurting you.”

“Well, since it’s you, I guess it’s okay.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my laptop's wifi card has been acting up so like, if i'm gone for a few days it's prob bc it getting fixed lmao  
> there may/may not be an nsfw chapter after this but if there's demand i'll make it Happen


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a heads up that this ch is, well, nsfw  
> just this one tho

Utsuro watched eagerly as Yuuya started unbuttoning his clothes, letting them drop on the floor –

Damn, Utsuro had always known that Yuuya was ripped, but actually seeing his well-built body in all its glory –

“Have you ever done this before?”

“No… not really.”

Yuuya gently pushed Utsuro to the bed, grabbing his wrists to pin him down – Utsuro didn’t try to fight back, just going along with the flow.

“Have you done this before, Yuuya?”

“I mean, this is officially my first time.”

“...what does that even mean?”

Instead of answering, Yuuya just leaned over, pressing a kiss on Utsuro’s lips to shut him up. Utsuro didn’t protest at all, though, kissing back immediately.

“Fuck, let’s just get to it,” Yuuya whispered as his hands travelled down to Utsuro’s shorts, tugging them down. 

“Damn, you’re already hard.”

“I mean… aren’t you?”

Utsuro could see for himself that the answer was “yes”, based on the bulge in Yuuya’s pants. 

It did feel embarrassing, though, to be so naked and vulnerable in front of someone else… but since it’s Yuuya, it’s probably okay. 

Yuuya wasted no time in taking off his pants, and within a few seconds Utsuro could see his dick, thick and uncut –

Yuuya reached over, taking out some lube from the drawer of the nightstand, and applying a generous amount on his dick. Just the idea of him doing something with it was making Utsuro excited –

“Flip over,” Yuuya said, commanding – “I’ll try to be gentle, but tell me if it hurts, okay?”

Utsuro turned around to get on all fours as Yuuya got on the bed on top of him – Yuuya gently ran his hand on Utsuro’s back, trying to help him relax, and squeezing Utsuro’s ass – Utsuro flinched slightly at that, but didn’t complain.

Yuuya reached his hand over, slipping a finger into Utsuro’s ass, and he couldn’t help but let out a moan – it didn’t hurt or anything, but it was such a strange feeling. Yuuya only chuckled at this as he continued pushing in deeper. 

“You get used to this eventually, so don’t worry.”

“I… I guess it’s okay if it’s you,” Utsuro replied, “Come on, bring it.”

So Yuuya put in another finger – Utsuro squirmed around it this time, the muscles around his ass almost eager to try to hold him in. Yuuya started to scissor his fingers then, slowly relaxing Utsuro, who was trying to hold his moans. 

“You’re clearly enjoying this,” Yuuya remarked. “You’re so tight, Utsuro.”

“J… just hurry up, and…”

“Alright, alright.”

Yuuya pulled out his fingers, making Utsuro gasp at the sudden feeling of emptiness. Yuuya didn’t leave him hanging for long, though, as a few seconds later he positioned himself by Utsuro’s ass, and gently pushed himself in – Utsuro let out a long moan as he felt Yuuya enter him, and quickly raised his hand to cover his face.

Yuuya grabbed Utsuro’s hips and continued bucking into him, while Utsuro had now grabbed the sheets under him, moaning shamelessly into the air. Yuuya leaned forward, resting his head on Utsuro’s shoulder and grabbed Utsuro’s hair, yanking it up.

“You like this?”

“I… yes,” Utsuro moaned, “Harder… harder, Yuuya.”

Yuuya started bucking his hips, with slightly more force this time, and Utsuro let out another moan as he pushed his hips back to Yuuya, trying to get him to go deeper. 

“You’re really tight and warm,” Yuuya moaned – he could barely hold himself from fucking Utsuro rough, but he couldn’t do it to Utsuro, lest it hurt him – 

Yuuya reached over to grab Utsuro’s dick, jacking him off and making Utsuro moan even louder – 

He came a few seconds later, spilling his load all over and moaning into the bed – 

He panted hard as Yuuya was still behind him, holding Utsuro.

“Y… you didn’t come yet?” Utsuro asked, “Then let’s… keep going?”

“You doing good?”

“I want to feel you cum inside me,” he moaned, “Fuck me harder, Yuuya –”

 

~•~

 

_ “I won’t be coming home tonight.” _

“Where are you?”

_ “Just doing things, nothing to worry about. Be careful with that kid.” _

“Yeah, we’re fine, so don’t worry about it.”

_ “See you tomorrow.” _

Yuuya sighed as he turned off his phone and put it on the nightstand. He then turned to Utsuro, who was lying next to him.

“Something happened?”

“Leone won’t be coming home tonight,” Yuuya replied, “So I guess we have the whole house to ourselves tonight.”

“Sounds fun,” Utsuro remarked with a smile.

“How are you feeling?” Yuuya asked as he wrapped his arm around Utsuro’s shoulder, and pulled him closer – “I hope I wasn’t too rough?”

“I like it,” Utsuro replied, snuggling closer – “I can do this all day.”

Yuuya let out a hearty laugh. 

 

“It feels so nice, just cuddling like this.”

“Hmm.”

“You hungry?” Yuuya asked, “Now that I think about it, I never got to give you lunch.”

“Yeah, I’d appreciate that,” Utsuro replied, “But like, in a few minutes, if you don’t mind.”

So they spent the next few minutes in silence – Utsuro snuggled closer to Yuuya, seeking the warmth, while Yuuya held him tight. 

 

Suddenly both of them could hear something ringing in the room. 

Yuuya sighed as he got up slightly from his very comfortable position, reaching for his phone on the nightstand. 

“Hello, Sakazaki speaking.”

Utsuro only watched as Yuuya listened to the person on the other end, before furrowing his brows slightly. 

“I think you’ve called the wrong number.”

“Just hang up,” Utsuro whispered, “Let’s sleep again.”

Yuuya smiled at Utsuro at that, but he maintained his attention to the person at the other end. 

“Alright, I see.”

Yuuya hung up then, turning to Utsuro. 

“Prank call?”

“Yeah, nothing to worry about.”

Yuuya got up from the bed then – Utsuro grabbed his arm playfully, trying to hold him back.

“Where are you going?

“I’m gonna make us some food. I’m hungry, too.”

“I’m coming with you,” Utsuro said as he got up with a sigh – “Goodness, my ass hurts.”

“That’s a normal reaction after your first time,” Yuuya said, “You’ll get used to it.”

 

They both walked over to the living room, where Utsuro then headed over to the couch and sat down. 

“Come sit with me. Let’s watch TV or something.”

“Yeah, I’ll just get us something to eat,” Yuuya replied, “What do you want? Popcorn?”

Instead of giving a reply, Utsuro just leaned forward and circled his arm around Yuuya’s waist, holding him tight.

“Come onnnnn…”

“Okay, okay,” Yuuya replied as he sat down and took the remote, “What do you want to watch?”

“Anything but the news,” Utsuro replied, snuggling closer to Yuuya, “You can decide.”

“Oh man, I only watch the news this days because of Leone.”

“Well, he’s not here, though.”

Yuuya turned on the TV, and the first one that came up was... some movie. Yuuya turned to Utsuro, trying to see if he was okay with it, but Utsuro didn’t seem to be complaining.

Okay, then.

 

The documentary was about… some cave that has ancient drawings on them. 

It was boring, in Yuuya’s opinion, and the narrator’s voice was really flat and uninterested – how do they expect anyone to care?

“Hey, Utsuro, do you mind if I switch to something else?”

There was no answer.

Yuuya turned to look at Utsuro, who had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Well, the documentary was  _ that _ boring after all.

“Utsuro?”

Utsuro didn’t reply, so he clearly must be asleep – 

It felt so good to watch him sleep peacefully like this, his face totally relaxed and his body rising up and down slightly – 

Yuuya turned off the TV, then sank back on the sofa as he gently stroked Utsuro’s head – 

“Sleep tight.”

  
  



	15. Chapter 15

“You’re going to be taken off the mission.”

Yuuya turned to look at Leone, unable to believe his ears – 

“...say that again?”

“You’re off the mission,” Leone repeated, “It’s not my decision.”

“Wait, but why?” Yuuya asked, “Did I… do something wrong?”

“Like going against orders, fraternizing with the target, and almost compromising the entire mission.”

Yuuya fell silent, because… well, all of that is true. 

“So what’s going to happen is we’re going to hand him over to the headquarters,” Leone explained, “From there on, you won’t have a say in what happens.”

“When’s this going to happen?”

“Two weeks from now,” Leone replied, “We need to move fast.”

“But what’s going to happen to…”

“Sakazaki, that’s not going to be your problem,” Leone said with a sigh, “And I know you think of him as a friend and all, but at the end of the day, your task is to capture him and nothing’s going to change that.”

Leone could tell Yuuya was not happy with this revelation – he was looking down at the floor, his face sullen. 

But well, what can be done about that? This is the nature of their job anyway – lay low, don’t get too close to the target, don’t bring any emotion into the job. 

“I told you not to put any feelings into this, didn’t I?” Leone reminded – “That’s one of the few things you were taught when you got into this, I believe. At the end of the day, your targets are just people you need to take down, no matter how nice they are to you.”

It was silent for a while – Leone sat there, watching Yuuya as he was looking down at the floor – he could tell Yuuya was feeling sad, although he tried to maintain his usual calm demeanor...

“...yes, sir.”

“I’m glad you understand,” Leone said as he got up, “Go back to class – we don’t want your teachers to worry.”

Yuuya nodded as he stood up and left the room. 

 

As Yuuya was walking back, he spotted Utsuro at the corner of his eyes –

He was walking down the hallway with one of his friends, chatting about something. 

 

It’s quite a strange feeling, indeed. 

Should be relieved or sad that everything’s going to end soon? 

He doesn’t even know what’s going to happen to Utsuro once he got handed over – it could be all sorts of horrible things. He might be used for research, or even worse things –

Is it really for the best?

 

~•~

“Utsuro isn’t found yet?”

Ryuuji sighed as he looked out of the window. 

“Look, we confirmed that his tracker is no longer working,” Tohri said, “He’s probably dead and dumped somewhere we can’t find him.”

“Even if that’s the case, don’t you think it’s incredibly dangerous?” Ryuuji replied, “Someone can just find his body, dissect it, and…” Ryuuji sighed, “Then it’s all for naught.”

“Didn’t we find his blood on an alley?”

“That doesn’t really tell us anything, though.”

~•~

_ “My name is Kawara Ryouta.” _

“I know, you told me before. What are you calling about?”

_ “I heard that you’re, um, a secret agent…” _

“I have no idea where you heard about that from, but I can tell you that’s not true.”

_ “Well… I’m sorry about that, then…” _

“Are you seriously calling just because you heard from an unverified source of information that I’m a spy?”

_ “Actually I meant to ask for help, but I guess I’ve contacted the wrong person… I’m really sorry.” _

“Ask for help? Hey now, I might not be your guy, I can’t turn a blind eye to this.”

_ “It’s… actually really complicated. You wouldn’t understand it.” _

Silence took over for a while –

_ “...actually, you know what, it’s about time I talk about this to someone.” _

“Sure, I’m all ears.”

_ “Actually, I think it’s best we meet in person. Do you mind?” _

~•~

Ryouta looked around the restaurant nervously –

While he did tell the person on the phone that they should definitely meet, Ryouta had no idea what they would look like, whether or not they actually meant to help him – 

...now that he thought about it, the other person would have absolutely no idea what he looks like either. How will they find each other?

Ryouta was just going to take out his phone and call him again when someone suddenly sat in front of him.

“Kawara Ryouta, right?”

“Y, yes…”

“I’m the person you called.”

He was… much younger than Ryouta imagined, but at the same time, something about him gave off a mature feel. He has light blue hair, slicked to the back and secured with two hairpins, and he was wearing a black shirt with jeans. 

“Do I look like a secret agent?” he asked with a chuckle – “Man, I just turned 19 like, two months ago. Who told you that?”

“Well, I’m really sorry about that…”

_ Wait, nineteen? He’s younger than me? _

“Anyway, you know, you can talk it out with me,” the person said, “I’m an innocent stranger to you anyway, so anything you tell me, I’ll probably forget by tomorrow.”

“Wait, but first of all, how do you even recognize me?”

“Your dad’s been on TV a few times,” he replied, “You kinda look like him.”

Ryouta seemed surprised at this, but then he only sighed and looked away. 

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“See, my dad and I don’t really get along,” Ryouta sighed, “He’s always too busy with work. Not that that’s a bad thing, but he ends up not really doing anything for my mum and me.”

“Isn’t he doing the… I don’t know, artificial humans?”

“Yeah. I’ve asked him to stop before,” Ryouta sighed, “But I understand why he’s so bent on getting it done too, since he’s been working this for so long.”

“Like, how long?”

“Man, I guess ten years? Or more?” Ryouta sighed, “When I was a kid he used to bring them home, and then they’d die, rinse and repeat.”

“Wait, they died?”

“Like, they’re different from the one he’s working on,” Ryouta replied, “It used to be that they were twins, and you can also immediately tell they’re not normal humans, because they have like, really white hair and could barely talk. The one he has now is really human, so I guess that’s an improvement…

“But it used to be that they’d die a few weeks or months into it,” Ryouta went on, “That was really making my mum and I depressed, and you know… they ended up getting divorced.

“I guess I’ve been beating myself up, because you know, the kid’s supposed to be the one holding the family together…” Ryouta paused to sigh, “And like, that’s exactly what I couldn’t do.”

~•~

Utsuro looked up from his book as he heard the door open. 

“Hey, Yuuya, there you are,” he greeted, “Where have you been?”

“Oh, I was just… meeting someone,” Yuuya replied as he locked the door. Utsuro remained at his seat for a while, watching him for a few seconds before getting up and walking towards him.

“You’re incredibly well-dressed today.”

“Am I?” Yuuya smiled, “I mean, I always try to dress good, but I’m glad to hear that from you.”

Utsuro got on his tiptoes and placed a peck on Yuuya’s cheek. 

“You seem tired today.”

“Well, school,” Yuuya replied, “You know what it’s like.”

“Should I help you unwind?” Utsuro asked, “We can, like, fuck.”

“I… think I’ll pass,” Yuuya replied. Utsuro seemed concerned at this – 

“Are you sure you’re okay? It’s unlike you to pass this up.”

“I guess I’ve just… had a rough day,” Yuuya replied with a thin smile, “I’ll be fine, really.”

Utsuro looked at him for a while, clearly not buying it – but a few seconds later he only sighed and gently ruffled Yuuya’s hair –

 

_ It’s always like this.  _

_ Yuuya always tries to seem cheerful and friendly on the outside, but there’s that sadness, seriousness somewhere deep in his eyes, and he’d always be more evasive, too. _

 

“You’re always like this, keeping things from me,” Utsuro muttered, “At least let me try to help, you know?”

“That… certainly would be lovely, but…” Yuuya shook his head, “It’s a personal problem, but I appreciate your concern.”

“So you’re not going to tell me anything,” Utsuro concluded, “Fine.”

“...sorry.”

Utsuro didn’t say anything, and instead just leaned over to Yuuya and held him in his arms tightly. Yuuya smiled at this, slowly bringing up his arms to pat Utsuro’s back.

“I’ll always be here for you, okay, Yuuya?” 

 

Yuuya thought back to what Ryouta said – 

_ “...it used to be that they’d die a few weeks or months into it.” _

_...but does that matter, since we’re going to hand him to the higher ups anyway? _

 

“You know, I wish it can be like this forever,” Yuuya whispered, “I don’t want to let go…”

  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

“Daddy, I’m home.”

Ryuuji looked up from his papers to Utsuro, who was standing in front of him. 

“Oh hey,” he greeted, “How was your day, Utsuro?”

“It’s fine, I guess,” Utsuro replied, “Nothing special in particular.”

“Do you want to do your health check today?” Ryuuji asked, “I mean, if you don’t have any tests tomorrow.”

“Sure, I don’t see why not.”

“Good boy,” Ryuuji praised, mussing Utsuro’s hair – “Are you hungry? Do you want to eat first?”

Utsuro shook his head, “I’m fine.”

~•~

 

“Where are you taking me? It’s almost time for class...”

Yuuya didn’t reply, only continued to drag Utsuro along with him. 

Finally they arrived at an empty hallway – nobody was there, only a door leading to… the broom closet. 

Yuuya finally let go of him, walking away in silence. Utsuro stood still, watching him –

“Yuuya?”

“I need to tell you something,” Yuuya muttered – he never turned around to look at Utsuro while talking. 

“...what is it?” Utsuro asked nervously – “You’re scaring me, Yuuya.”

“Ryuuji created you.”

Utsuro cocked his head to the side, confused.

“...what do you mean?” Utsuro asked, “He’s my adoptive father, so he couldn’t have. My real father abandoned me, and...”

“Ryuuji created you,” Yuuya repeated, “You don’t actually have a father, or a mother, or anything like that. He made it all up so it makes sense to you.”

 

_...what? _

 

“I don’t know how to explain it, but… he’s creating artificial humans, artificial intelligence, and you just happen to be one of them.”

 

_ This can’t be real, right?  _

_ But… but daddy has taken care of me for so long. It can’t be that… _

 

“You don’t have to believe me,” Yuuya said as he walked away, “But you need to know.”

~•~

“Can I ask you something, daddy?”

“Sure,” Ryuuji replied, “Go ahead.”

“You told me my real parents abandoned me, right?” Utsuro asked, “What became of them?”

Ryuuji turned to Utsuro, clearly surprised by this question.

“I’m guessing I… have the last name of my father, too. Ichijou.”

“Why did you suddenly ask about this, Utsuro?” Ryuuji asked, smiling – but Utsuro could tell in his eyes that he was starting to get nervous. “You’ve never asked in all the years that we’ve been together.”

“I don’t know, I’m just… curious,” Utsuro replied – 

– and he truly was, although Yuuya mentioning it sure made him remember.

“Why did they decide to abandon me?”

Ryuuji fell silent at this – 

 

_...is this just a difficult question to answer, or is he hiding something? _

 

“...Utsuro,” Ryuuji said with a smile, “Let’s not think about the past.”

“Is it wrong to want to know?”

“It’s not important anymore, right?”

“Then why did you take me?”

“Well, I used to be pretty good friends with your dad,” Ryuuji replied readily, “So I figured I’d take you in…”

“Even if he’s opposed against it?” Utsuro asked – “If my dad doesn’t even want me, why would you take me in?”

“Utsuro…”

“If he has his reasons, wouldn’t you agree with him, as his friend?”

“Utsuro,” Ryuuji said, suddenly sounding stern – “It’s all in the past. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“But…”

“You don’t need to know,” Ryuuji said, “It’ll just end up hurting you.

“Am I… not good enough of a parent?”

“No, that’s not the case,” Utsuro replied, “I… I just thought about it, so I asked…”

“Utsuro,” Ryuuji said, back to his gentle tone – “Let’s not talk about this again, okay?”

~•~

  
  
  



	17. Chapter 17

“...Yuuya?”

Yuuya didn’t reply as he kept walking, holding Utsuro’s hand in his. Leone was in front of them, leading them down the hallway.

“Where are we going?” Utsuro asked, “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Yuuya remained silent, bowing down his head –

He couldn’t bring himself to look at Utsuro in the eye, even as their time together was coming to a close…

“Yuuya?”

Utsuro sounded genuinely concerned, and that… for some reason, that hurt him. The fact that in a few moments he had to hand him over –

“We’re here,” Leone announced, “You should go, Yuuya.”

Yuuya stopped walking then, and let go of Utsuro –

As he looked up to Utsuro one last time, he could immediately tell the sadness in his eyes. 

“Where are you going, Yuuya?”

“I… have to go.”

“Why?”

“Because…” 

Yuuya took a breath, trying to find words – 

~•~

 

“Yuuya?”

Yuuya woke up to see Utsuro above him, looking worried. 

“Are you okay?” Utsuro asked, gently petting his hair, “You need a drink or anything?”

“What…”

As he looked around, he saw Leone standing next to the bed, clearly looking concerned. 

“I… I…”

Yuuya suddenly got up, holding Utsuro tightly in his arms. 

“Go away.”

Leone seemed confused at this, but got closer to Yuuya anyway –

“Sakazaki, what’s wrong?”

“I said go away!” Yuuya suddenly screamed, “Fuck off!”

“Sakazaki, what…”

“Don’t do this to me,” Yuuya shouted, his voice breaking, “Please, I’ve…”

Yuuya stopped suddenly, holding Utsuro even tighter and inching away from Leone – 

“Sakazaki, it’s going to be okay, alright,” Leone said, trying to calm him down – “Look, we’ll work it out somehow…”

“Leone, I… I can’t…” Yuuya was breathing heavily – “I… I can’t do this. I don’t want to have to do this. I…”

Yuuya fell silent then, his words reduced to quiet sobs as he frantically clung onto Utsuro. Utsuro sat there, definitely confused, but only accepted as Yuuya held onto him…

Leone, realizing there was nothing he could do to improve the situation, quietly left the room. 

 

“Yuuya, you heard him… it’s going to be okay,” Utsuro said reassuringly – “It’s just a nightmare, see?”

“I’m scared,” Yuuya sobbed, “I… I love you, Utsuro, and I… I don’t want anyone to do anything bad to you, and…

“I… I feel weak. At the end, I… I’m just making things worse for you, and…”

“Yuuya, I’m happy to be here with you,” Utsuro replied, “I love you. I won’t leave you.”

“That’s not the problem,” Yuuya sobbed, “Utsuro, you’re the only one who… who ever accepted me, and I’m… I’m scared, I don’t want you to disappear…”

 

~•~

Utsuro had never been to the fourth floor before. 

It wasn’t exactly a deliberate thing – it was more that he never needed to go there, and this building, being more of a lab, he listens to Ryuuji about which places are safe to visit and which ones aren’t –

 

He descended the stairs while looking around cautiously – there was a camera on the platform, so he decided to keep his head down at all times. 

As he opened the door leading to the fourth floor, a wave of cold air blew against him –

 

Maybe, just maybe, there’s really nothing to look at here. Just an ordinary floor that he’d look at once, and never again. 

 

Utsuro noticed a small keypad on the handle of the door –

He’d never seen something like this in any other floors – keypads on laboratory rooms, yes, but not on the whole floor. 

The code can’t be 1234, right…

 

It was almost terrifying to stand here in the stairway alone past midnight like this, but… 

Utsuro punched in the numbers he thought of anyway. The beep of the buttons echoed in the dark –

0217? No. 

1702… that’s not it either. 

 

Until the door in front of him suddenly opened, even before he could punch in anything else – 

A man with long blond hair walked out, looking somewhat annoyed.

Utsuro recognized him – Nishikikouji Tohri, one of Ryuuji’s colleagues.

“You’re not supposed to be here this late at night,” Tohri said with a sigh, “Don’t mess with the passcodes. Three wrong attempts and it’ll trigger the alarm.”

“Ah, I’m sorry…”

“You didn’t get lost here, did you?” Tohri ask, “The apartments are on the tenth floor. What are you doing here?”

“I’m just…”

“Being sneaky?” Tohri shrugged as he stepped back to close the door, “Anyway, I’m making some really dangerous weapons here, so you shouldn’t go near.”

Tohri closed the door back with a loud thud, and Utsuro was once again left in the darkness. 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Yuuya buttoned up his shirt and shrugged his uniform blazer, then looked at the mirror.

Nothing’s out of place – everything looks like the way it should be.

 

He could barely remember what happened last night –

But something must’ve happened, seeing the way Leone nervously watched him in the morning and their very quiet breakfast. Utsuro was there too, looking like he didn’t get any sleep.

 

“Yuuya?”

Yuuya turned around to see Utsuro walking into the room.

“Are you sure you want to go to school today?”

Yuuya nodded, “Why?”

“No, Leone and I were just… worried,” Utsuro replied – “You know, after last night…”

“What happened last night?”

“You just…” Utsuro sighed, “Suddenly started crying and screaming. Leone wasn’t asleep yet, so he came in, and I also woke up…”

Yuuya noticed then, some bruises on Utsuro’s wrist.

“What happened there?” Yuuya asked, grabbing Utsuro’s wrist and lifting it to look at it closer – “Did I… did I do that?”

He could remember faintly, him holding Utsuro’s hand as they walked down the hall –

 

“Yuuya, that doesn’t matter right now…”

“Did I?” Yuuya asked, concerned –

“Look, Yuuya,” Utsuro said, wrapping his arms around Yuuya’s waist, “Isn’t there anything you’d like to tell me?”

“Utsuro…”

“You’ve been hiding something from me, right?” Utsuro asked, “I’m not angry, I just want to know.”

Yuuya was silent at this, his eyes looking somber.

“Yuuya? There you go, being all quiet again…”

“Look, Utsuro, I… I don’t want you to get involved in this.”

“But it kills me to see you suffer like this. Is there no way I can help?”

“I don’t know,” Yuuya replied, “It’s… it’s killing me too, I…”

Yuuya sighed as he gently cupped Utsuro’s cheeks, brushing his bangs off his face.

He's always been... so gentle, so genuine, staying with Yuuya and caring for him despite everything. Despite Yuuya essentially blocking him off from the world, or hurting him, or... 

 

“I really love you, Utsuro.”

Yuuya didn't understand, couldn't understand, 

be it himself or Utsuro.

~•~

Leone was strangely quiet as he drove, with Yuuya in the passenger seat, smoking cigarette. It was really strange, because Leone, although a generally quiet person, would at least turn on the radio or talk about what they need to do during the day, and stuff –

None of that today, for some reason.

 

“Sorry.”

Yuuya turned to Leone, surprised.

“About what?”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ve been pushing you too much,” Leone replied, “You started this career really young, and I guess you’ve been forced to grow up too quickly, I guess.”

“I’m fine,” Yuuya said, “I… I really am.”

“Everyone can tell it’s eating at you,” Leone replied, “I won’t blame you if you quit the mission.

“It’s okay to be honest with yourself, you know? I know being a spy involves deception and all, but you can only fake so much.”

Yuuya fell silent at this.

 

“You know, more than anything, I guess I’ve been trying to convince myself that everything will be fine.”

Utsuro’s going to be handed over to the other Doves soon.

There’s also the possibility that he may not live for that long, after hearing Ryouta’s bleak story –

Yuuya started out wanting to save Utsuro from… whatever it is that Ryuuji was going to do to him,

but at the end, seems like more harm was done than good.

He’s just been selfish, and now he’s facing the consequences.

 

Why?

Why do this in the first place, knowing how much harm it would bring?

~•~

Yuuya could tell something was out of place when he saw Ryuuji walking with Utsuro in the hallway.

Not that he usually ever sees Utsuro before class – the fact that Ryuuji is also here made it even weirder.

Yuuya bowed down his head and walked quickly, trying to get out of their line of sight.

 

“Daddy, I’ll be fine,” Utsuro replied, “I’m not a child anymore, you don’t have to take me to school like this.”

“Well, I do want to talk to one of your teachers, though, so what’s so bad about seeing you off, too?”

Utsuro could only sigh – Ryuuji was smiling, as cheerful as he usually was, it was hard to believe that there was any other reason he was here.

“...it’s embarrassing.”

“I’ll just see you off to class, then go to your teacher! Nothing to worry about!”

“Well, my class is right down the hall there,” Utsuro replied, pointing at one of the doors, “And the teacher’s office… well, we just passed it, so…”

“Okay then, I guess you don’t want your friends to think you’re still a child,” Ryuuji concluded as he leaned over to peck Utsuro’s forehead – “Have a good day! I’ll see you at home.”

“See you later,” Utsuro said, before he turned to walk away.

  


“Was that Utsuro?”

“Yeah,” Tohri replied after he closed the door, “Why the hell would he even think of coming here? Have you been dropping hints?”

“Geez, Tohri, I’m the last person you should suspect for that,” Ryuuji replied with a sigh, “I need this experiment to work, more than anything.”

“Then what prompted him to investigate?”

Ryuuji shrugged, “Personal curiosity, I guess, although we did try to divert his attention for so long…”

“Or maybe he suddenly has an inkling about what’s going on,” Tohri cut, “What if… what if someone told him what’s going on?”

“Oh, come on, Tohri,” Ryuuji said with a laugh, “Nobody in Takaba would do that…”

 

But now that he thought about it, Tohri did have a point. Someone must have… at least incited Utsuro’s visit.

 

Yuuya was on his way to class when two teachers suddenly walked in front of him, blocking his way. Yuuya couldn’t recognize them, but they do wear what a teacher would, so they must either be new teachers or something...

“Oh, good morning,” Yuuya said respectfully – “Is there anything I can help you with, sensei…”

Suddenly one of them lunges forward to him, pushing him down to the floor and pinning his head down.

“Wait!” Yuuya shouted, trying to elbow the man above him – but he was pushing down on Yuuya with full force, and he was pretty heavy…

Yuuya could see that a few students were gathering around to watch, but clearly not taking any action.

“What’s… what’s going on?” Yuuya shouted, “Let me go! Let me…”

Suddenly he felt a dull pain at the back of his head, and everything fell into the darkness.

  


Utsuro opened the drawer of his desk, took out his textbook, and opened it –

He noticed then, that a part of the book felt a little… inflated. How strange.

He gently ran his fingers around the area, pressing it down lightly, and he could feel something solid inside. Did he accidentally slip something here and forgot about it?

He started flipping through the pages of the book, until suddenly a small envelope fell out.

 

 _“5th street number 25, 4th floor, room 17,”_ it said on the envelope –

And a small key was inside.

  



	19. Chapter 19

It was dark for a good while.

Yuuya had no idea what was happening, had no idea what was going on around him, couldn’t hear anything except the low hum of the air-conditioner – 

He remembered that one of the teachers knocked him out earlier in the hallway, and that was all. 

 

_...I see how it is.  _

_ Everything has been staged, not just for him, but for me, too… _

 

_ It’s dark and quiet for once...  _

_ I want to sleep, and not wake up. _

 

But of course, soon enough, someone yanked something off his head. 

He slowly blinked open his eyes and found himself in what looked like an office, with a few people in lab coats in front of him –

One of them, not too surprisingly, was Ryuuji. 

“...well,” Yuuya sighed, “I should’ve known.”

He felt rather light-headed, and it seemed as if the muscles in his body just suddenly had no power. He tried to move his hands, but he felt something cold piercing into his wrists – handcuffs? 

“You guys don’t even have the basic human decency to not drug me, huh…”

“We just have a few questions for you,” Ryuuji replied, “You’re not exactly a neutral party on this, after all.”

“I don’t even understand what you mean…” Yuuya replied, his voice trailing off – the drug’s effect must not have entirely subsided yet.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“No…” Yuuya replied, smiling wryly, “What exactly do you want from me?”

“I just want to know what you told Utsuro.”

“Nothing,” Yuuya replied, “Nothing at all…”

Ryuuji suddenly walked forward, grabbing Yuuya’s hair and yanking it so that he was forced to look at Ryuuji. 

Yuuya only smiled, somewhat looking cynical, but his eyes were unfocused, pupils dilated – clearly still somewhat high.

“Ohh, terrifying,” Yuuya almost moaned, “What are you going to do to me if I don’t obey, hmm?”

“I’ll kill you.”

“I’m not scared,” Yuuya replied, “Not at all, sir.”

~•~

Should be this one. 

Utsuro looked at the door in front of him – there was a small metal plate, with the number 17 printed on it. 

Utsuro took the key out of his pocket and put it into the keyhole – 

It was a perfect fit, quite surprisingly.

 

But who could’ve left that key on there, just under his desk?

Why was he even here? Is it okay to open the door without permission like this?

 

He heard earlier during lunch, that Yuuya… was taken away. 

It was described to him in such a strange way – ‘taken away’ – Utsuro didn’t even know why, how, or by whom, 

He was just suddenly gone.

 

Almost as if it was by reflex, his hand turned, and he heard the click of the key.

Oh shit. Now whoever was inside would have heard him…

What should he tell them? That it was a mistake, slip of hand?

 

Suddenly the door swung open in front of him.

 

“Yuuya! You’re back early for once!” Utsuro greeted happily, “How was your…”

Only he suddenly froze, the colour drained from his face, as he realized Yuuya wasn’t the one standing in front of him – 

– it was almost like an exact copy of himself. 

 

The same face, the same purple eyes, the same body…

Utsuro could barely believe what was in front of his eyes. 

It was a bizarre feeling, as if you were looking at the mirror at your own reflection…

Except it’s real.

 

“Who are you?”

They asked the question almost simultaneously. 

 

“I, I…” 

Utsuro scrambled, trying to find words.

“I… I got lost, and, and I…”

 

Utsuro couldn’t help but still be stunned, at the same exact copy of himself that was right in front of him…

He reached out his hand, taking the other’s hand – 

It was warm, fleshy – it was real. 

 

_ “Ryuuji created you. _

_ “He’s creating artificial humans, and you just happen to be one of them.” _

 

“You… we…”

“What happened here exactly?”

“You were expecting Yuuya… to come here?”

“Where is he?”

“He sent me here,” Utsuro replied while taking his döppelganger’s hand – “I have to get you out of here. Come on.”

“Where’s Yuuya? What happened to him?” Utsuro asked – “He, he wasn’t feeling that well this morning, and…”

“You can’t worry about that right now.”

“Who are you?”

 

“Didn’t Yuuya tell you?” Utsuro asked as they kept walking, “You and I, we’re not humans. Apparently Ryuuji created us…

“I… I didn’t believe it at first, but now that I’ve met you, it makes sense.”

 

He turned around, and he could see his other self looking at him like he was spouting nonsense – 

Not a surprising reaction, really. That must be how he looked when Yuuya first told him, too…

“Anyway, it seems like Yuuya has been trying to keep you here.”

“...why didn’t he tell me?”

“I don’t know, it’s up to him to decide,” Utsuro said with a sigh. “Sorry to lay it on you like this.”

 

...yes, maybe that’s why Yuuya didn’t tell him.

Because for some reason, he must’ve… pitied ‘this’ Utsuro, and decided that he shouldn’t need to know the ugly, terrible truth.

Either way, it’s all out in the open now. Maybe that was the worst revelation possible...

 

“But really, what… what happened to Yuuya?”

“I have no idea, but he won’t be coming back for a while,” Utsuro replied, “Either way, I need to hide you somewhere else.”

“If I’m in danger, aren’t you… aren’t you in danger, too?”

“I have to go back to daddy and see what’s going on.”

“Yuuya… Yuuya said I shouldn’t go back to him, though.”

 

“Hey, Utsuro?”

“What?”

“I’m really worried about Yuuya…” Utsuro replied, “I know he wasn’t feeling well last night and this morning…”

“...you really don’t have time to worry about him right now,” Utsuro sighed, “Just follow me for now.”

“But what if he needs something?”

“Then I’ll help him. Aren’t we basically the same?”

Utsuro felt his döppelganger stopping behind him, so he stopped, too, and turned to look at him – 

He was looking down at the floor, hands shaking, and his expression somewhat somber.

“...you promise you’ll find him?”

“I promise,” Utsuro replied, resolute – “What, don’t you trust yourself?”

Utsuro only chuckled as he looked away…

“When you meet him, tell him I love him, okay?”

“...I don’t need you to tell me that.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

“...what are you going to do with me?”

Yuuya could only watch as Ryuuji wandered around in front of him, looking at the floor. 

While it did seem like the effect of the drug had fully subsided, Yuuya still couldn’t help but feel nauseous to his stomach…

Anxiety. 

He’d certainly be in bad situations in missions before, and had gotten out from them with… a few injuries here and there, often with Leone bailing him out, but…

For some reason, he could just feel it. 

Nobody’s going to help him. 

 

“Are you scared?” Ryuuji asked, “Don’t worry, we just gave you some sedatives.”

“I don’t feel well.”

“It’ll subside over time,” Ryuuji said, “As the realization that you’ll never get out of here sinks in, I guess.”

“What made you suspect me, doctor?” Yuuya asked, “I’m just a student.”

“Oh, come on, you know you’re not,” Ryuuji replied, “I know you know more than you’re supposed to.”

“Well, I certainly had no idea about the whole school being a sort of stage for your experiment...” Yuuya sighed, “You even bought all the teachers and the students. Amazing.”

“It’s meant to be a very accurate simulation of what a school is like, so I’m glad we did a good job,” Ryuuji replied,

“And yes, everything has been fabricated. Even the ‘Ichijou’ family, and their deaths. They just happen to be my friends who are willing to participate in this.”

“I really don’t understand why anyone would help with your ridiculous experiment, but okay.”

“At least having you here would take out that possibility that Utsuro might have outside information,” Ryuuji sighed, “Although I don’t understand what you seek to achieve by hurting him like this.”

“Hurting…”

 

Now that he thought about it, he never really told the other Utsuro about him not being actually human…

He would probably be sad and angry too, that Yuuya withheld this information from him, even after they’ve lived together for so long. 

He felt his heart racing, and the nauseating feeling was somehow getting more and more intense –

 

_ Utsuro, Utsuro… _

_ Is he alright? _

 

He remembered earlier in the morning, when Utsuro kissed his cheek and hugged him…

“I’m not angry, I just want to know,” he said,

But would he be angry if Yuuya told him the truth?

 

_ I’m not better than Ryuuji.  _

_ He created Utsuro, confined him into a fake environment and made him believe it’s all a normal part of his life.  _

_ I too, took Utsuro, isolated him from the world in the hopes of protecting him… _

_ But at the end, everything I’ve done was for myself, and I ended up hurting so many people.  _

_ Utsuro, Leone, too… _

 

_ It all feels so distant now. _

_ If I can go back, and just say goodbye properly, say how sorry I am that this is happening… _

 

“Consider this a punishment for almost ruining my experiment again,” Ryuuji said, “Although I have no idea how we accidentally let a fucking Dove spy into the school.”

“Please let me see Utsuro,” Yuuya pleaded, “At least let me explain this to him.”

“I’m not letting you screw up the results,” Ryuuji said as he turned to leave, “I’ll decide how to get rid of you. Maybe as a test subject in something else, that’d be fun…”

~•~

Utsuro tried his best to not look suspicious when Ryuuji walked into his office. 

“Hey, Utsuro,” Ryuuji greeted cheerfully, as usual – “How was your day?”

“Pretty good!” Utsuro replied. 

 

_ Don’t look suspicious. Don’t ask anything that can give away hints – _

_ Okay, got it.  _

_ Don’t ask about Yuuya yet.  _

 

Although Utsuro couldn’t help but feel bad that he had to suspect Ryuuji like this. 

 

“I’m going to attend a seminar after this – I’ll be back around dinner,” Ryuuji said as he started gathering his papers – “If you need anything, Tohri’s going to help you, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

_ So they’re keeping closer watch over me. _

“By the way, Tohri said he met you outside his lab last night,” Ryuuji said, “What were you doing there?”

“Just curious,” Utsuro replied, trying to sound collected. “Tohri never talks about his research, so I just thought about it…”

“He’s doing something with lasers, if I remember it right,” Ryuuji replied, “ You can ask him to take you around the lab, I guess, but don’t try to sneak in! It’s dangerous!”

Utsuro nodded. 

“Anyway, I should get going now!” Ryuuji leaned over to kiss Utsuro’s forehead, “See you tonight!”

“Have fun there, daddy.”

“I’m sure it’ll be more boring than fun, but thanks!”

 

Utsuro watched quietly as Ryuuji walked out of the door and closed it behind him. 

Quickly, he took out his phone –

 

“He left. What should I do now?”

_ “Just go back to your room,” _ the text message said,  _ “We’ll figure it out from there. You remember where it is?” _

“It seems like he assigned Tohri to watch over me though…”

There was a bit of a pause before the next text came. 

_ “Oh, I see him.” _

_ “Yuuya’s with him too.” _

“What?”

 

~•~

Yuuya had no idea what happened, nor did he really care,

Someone just blindfolded him again, dragged him out of the room, and into another. 

When his blindfold was removed, he then realized he was in another room – a laboratory. The smell of chemicals and the low hum of the ventilation, keeping the environment constant…

His hands were still handcuffed, but now at least they were letting him walk, with another guy holding him arm to make sure he doesn’t try to run.

“Where’s this?” Yuuya asked, “What are you guys doing to me?”

“I just thought I’d show you what you want to see,” Ryuuji said, suddenly appearing from behind him, “Since you don’t have that much time left.”

“I told you I want to see Utsuro, didn’t I?”

“Well, you’re going to.”

Yuuya looked around the lab – there were people in lab coats wandering around, computer screens showing various graphs…

“...and why would he be here?” Yuuya asked, “What did you do to him now?”

 

Ryuuji didn’t reply, and instead continued walking in front of them, leading the path. THe man who was dragging Yuuya nudged him in the arm, signaling him to follow – 

If Yuuya was feeling sick then, it was nothing compared to now. It felt like he might actually throw up, any second now…

 

“...you know, Yuuya,” Ryuuji suddenly said, ‘You’ve always insisted on getting close to Utsuro since the day I met you. I understand that’s part of your mission as a Dove, but…

“Tell me, is there something deeper than that?” Ryuuji asked, “If I let you see Utsuro right now, what exactly are you going to try to explain to him?”

Yuuya fell silent at this – 

 

There’s so much, too much to say. 

A simple “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, would not suffice…

 

Right, because Utsuro was the first one to ever accept him. 

Whether it was unconditional, whether he was sincere or just did it because Yuuya had ‘trapped’ him – 

 

Still, he couldn’t imagine how it would be like had Utsuro not been there.

 

“I suppose at some point, he… became something more than a friend.”

“Does it ever occur to you how easily his existence can be replaced?”

“I do. I’ve met him so many times, and he’s forgotten everything about me so many times, but I… 

“Still, I want him to love me.”

 

They arrived in front of a door with a biometric lock on the door. Ryuuji turned to the other guy and gestured for him to leave, so he did – 

Ryuuji pressed his fingers on the pad, and the door clicked open.

~•~

Utsuro walked past the people in the lab, trying their best to not look out of place. 

He was wearing a scrub cap, dressed in a lab coat, and wearing goggles. Hopefully nobody will recognize him like this…

“Excuse me,” he stopped a person who was walking back from another room – “Have you seen Dr. Kawara?”

“Yeah, he just went into the incubation room.”

“Thank you,” Utsuro muttered, and quickly walked away. 

  
  


Walking into the room, Yuuya could see four capsules on the floor – 

Each one of them had a little screen, with graphs showing vital signs – heartbeat, brain activity, whatever. 

It almost felt like walking into a graveyard, where the caskets are still on the ground. 

 

“Here’s four of them” Ryuuji replied, “You can choose whichever one you want to apologize to, or you can apologize to all four of them, if you want!”

Yuuya approached one of the capsules, and…

 

Utsuro was inside, asleep.

He looked exactly like the one Yuuya saw this morning – it felt so strange.

To think that he’s such a blank slate, knowing nothing about the world…

 

“...can you hear me, Utsuro?”

_ Of course not. _

 

“What does life mean to you, doctor?” Yuuya asked, “Considering how easily they’re made for you, they… probably aren’t all that valuable, huh?”

“Of course that’s not true,” Ryuuji replied, “When I first created him, I felt…

“I suppose you call it ‘pride’.” He paused – “But I too, feel unworthy of having this kind of power, to create humans at will…

 

"Tell me, Yuuya. What do you see me as?A heartless monster with no regard for human lives? I can't really imagine being portrayed as anything else."

 

Yuuya was silent as he looked at Utsuro, inside the casket. That's quite a difficult question to answer...

"I am... grateful to you, in a way," Yuuya replied, "But I suppose that's what you are."

 

Suddenly they could hear a loud alarm blaring in the distance. 

Ryuuji turned to look, confused and also surprised, while Yuuya only sat next to the capsule, silent.

“What happened now, fire?” Ryuuji sighed as he walked towards the door, and opened it – 

And as he did that, Utsuro lunged towards him, pushing him to the ground.

 

“Get out of here, Yuuya!” he shouted, “I’ll hold him here!”

Yuuya turned around, clearly surprised – but he still didn’t move. 

 

“Daddy…” Utsuro paused, “Doctor.”

Ryuuji was looking up to him, calm as usual, a thin smile on his lips. 

“So it’s true,” Utsuro said, “Everything… everything up to now has been lies.”

Ryuuji was silent. 

“Say something, daddy,” Utsuro said – “I don’t… I don’t want to do this.”

“It’s true. You’re not a real human,” Ryuuji said – “Is that what you want to hear from me?”

“Did you care for my life? Our lives?” Utsuro asked, “At all?”

“I did… I did everything I could to make this work, to bring you to life,” Ryuuji replied, “But at the end, I suppose it doesn’t matter…

“What are you asking from me, Utsuro?”

 

“I want you to stop,” Utsuro said, “And… and if you’re not going to, everything will have to go down with you.”

  
  
  
  
  


Utsuro turned to Yuuya then, who was walking towards him, trying to grab him.

“What are you doing, still hanging around here?” he yelled, “I told you to get out of here!”

“I need you to come with me!” Yuuya replied, “I… I can’t leave you like this!”

“This is where I need to be,” Utsuro said, turning to look at Ryuuji – “Now go.”

“But…”

“I’m not taking any more orders from you, Yuuya!” Utsuro yelled, “Just… just go!”

 

Before Yuuya could say anything else, he felt someone pull him out of the room – 

He tried to fight for the person to let him go, but at this point they’d gone out of the room and onto the lab, full of smoke that he couldn’t see anything.

  
  


“...I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Ryuuji replied, smiling – 

Despite everything that was happening, he seemed calm, and in fact… happy.

“I know you worked so hard,” Utsuro said, “But… I just can’t let this go on.”

 

“Are you scared, Utsuro?” Ryuuji asked, “You’re going to die right here, and… there’s not going to be any more of you.”

“A little, I suppose,” Utsuro replied, “I mean, not that there’s ever anything worth living for for someone like me, a human subject…”

“Every life is precious, okay?” Ryuuji said, gently mussing Utsuro’s hair – “I’m… sorry if I ruined it for you.”

 

“Thank you, father,” Utsuro said, “I’m happy to be here with you, right now.”

  
  


Yuuya could only watch as the middle section of the building exploded – he could hear the crash of the glass windows, the screams of the people who were still inside.

_ Utsuro… Utsuro’s still inside, and he… _

 

He turned to the person who dragged him out of the building, indignant.

“Why did you do that?” he yelled, feeling the anger rise in him – ”I… if you just gave me a second, I could’ve taken him with me, and you…!”

 

The person was huffing and panting, looking seriously hurt. 

He was wearing a white lab coat with the scrub hat, both of which had been stained with blood. Yuuya couldn’t help but feel bad…

This person might be on his side after all. He’d just saved him, certainly, and now Yuuya was yelling at him…

 

“...Yuuya?”

Utsuro turned around, taking off his head – 

Yuuya seemed to be in shock, but he’s escaped with little injury, so at least that was a good thing…

“I… I’m glad you’re fine,” Utsuro said weakly as he walked towards Yuuya, “Are… are you hurt? Did daddy…”

 

Suddenly, without warning, he fell onto the ground.


	21. Chapter 21

Yuuya stood outside the window, looking into the hospital ward – 

He could see Utsuro lying on the bed, with some nurses hooking different IVs onto his arm and setting up different machines. Utsuro was still unconscious – 

It seemed like he had some pretty serious burn injuries, and also had inhaled some poisonous smoke and vapor or something.

 

And the other Utsuro, the one who was in the room with Ryuuji, was dead…

...Yuuya only sighed as he turned to the bandages around his wrists and legs. 

Compared to what they had to deal with, his injuries seemed like nothing…

 

A nurse suddenly walked up to the window of the ward and rolled down the blinds, effectively blocking Yuuya’s sight. 

 

“Hey, kid.”

Yuuya turned around, and suddenly Leone was standing behind him. Yuuya could only sigh as he looked away.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be,” Leone replied, “Although I guess at the end you’re the one who was saved, instead of saving that kid.”

“I…”

“It’s okay,” Leone replied, “I mean, the higher-ups won’t take it well, but I really don’t blame you.

“You’re going to be removed from the organization, though, that’s for certain.”

Yuuya only looked down at the ground…

 

“...I really screwed up, huh?”

“I don’t think so,” Leone replied reassuringly, “You did your best, and this is what it comes down to.

“Besides, I’ve told you way too many times that you’re not fit for this,” he went on, “LIke, you’re free to go now. Do whatever you want. I’m sure you have something to live for now.”

 

Yuuya turned to look at the hospital ward.

Will Utsuro still stay with him, despite all this? Or will he be too angry that he won’t even bother sticking around with Yuuya anymore?

 

“...when I first decided to become a spy, I thought… I wanted to disappear.

“My step-family refused to accept me, and as I thought back to my father’s death, I thought… one day, I’ll die like him anyway, with people who hates me and wants me dead…

“I don’t know,” Yuuya sighed, “Maybe things have changed, maybe it hasn’t.”

“The world isn’t as cold as you think, kid.”

Yuuya looked up to Leone, who was, for once, smiling at him. Even though he’d just screwed up so badly…

 

“Anyway,” Leone said, tapping Yuuya’s shoulder, “If you ever need a ride or something, give me a call and I’ll try my best, providing I’m not somewhere halfway across the globe.”

“Thanks, Leone,” Yuuya said, “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” Leone said flatly as he walked away, “See you around.”

Yuuya stood there, watching as Leone’s back slowly shrank, getting more and more distant from him…

 

It’s all done now…

For some reason, Yuuya couldn’t help but feel incredibly… lonely.

~•~

Yuuya smiled at Utsuro as he walked into the ward, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Utsuro was… somewhat awake. His eyes were half-lidded, still hazy, and with the oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth, Yuuya doubted he could talk much.

“Hey.” 

Yuuya squeezed Utsuro’s hand tightly, and smiled.

“You feeling better?”

Utsuro closed his eyes, and gave a slight nod.

“You’re going to have to rest here for a while, okay?” Yuuya said, “There are some serious burn injuries on your right side, you probably won’t be able to use it much for a while.”

Utsuro looked at Yuuya then, scanning him from head to waist, or about as much as he could see.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“Yuuya…”

Utsuro spoke softly, his voice hoarse and distant.

“Don’t… leave…”

“I won’t,” Yuuya reassured, “I’ll be here with you, forever.”

“Don’t… get hurt again… okay?”

Utsuro rolled over, trying to get closer to Yuuya, only to have some of the IV pipes tugging at his arm, and he let out a soft groan. Yuuya quickly rolled him back, making sure the IVs were still attached.

“Don’t move too much yet.” Yuuya caressed Utsuro’s hair gently, “Don’t be scared, I’ll stay here with you.”

“Yuuya…”

“Shh, don’t talk,” Yuuya whispered, “It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”

~•~

 

“Dr. Isa, someone’s here to see you.”

“What’s this, a parent?” Isa sighed as he got up from his desk shakily, “It’s almost the end of the day, Tosaka, I don’t need to deal with this.”

“I don’t know, he said he’s an old friend of yours…”

“You know I have no friends.”

The girl froze in place for a second, before she sighed and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, I guess, doctor.”

“You know what, I’ll see him,” Isa decided, “Can you start cleaning? Like sweep the room or something.”

“R… right!” She hurriedly picked up the broom and dustpan, and started from the corner of the infirmary.

 

Isa walked out of the door with a sigh, closing the door behind him…

Looking down the hallway, nobody was there. Maybe whoever claims to be his ‘old friend’ was just a prankster? Shit, Tosaka got him fooled again… It’s not nice to play pranks on older people, especially when the old person in question has had some serious nervous damage. It’s tiring to walk, you know.

 

“Ichijou Utsuro?”

Isa turned to the voice instinctively. 

He hasn’t gone by that name for quite a while now, so hearing someone call him like that… kind of made him anxious. He’s been trying to keep it a secret anyway.

“Who?”

 

A familiar figure stepped into the hallway, smiling at him. 

“Hey, remember me?”

 

Isa could only sigh. 

He’s certainly… looked older now, but it’s been what, two years? Of course he’d be older. 

Otherwise, everything about him had remained the same. The ever so friendly tone, the strange hairdo…

 

 

"...what if I say no, you idiot?"

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR STAYING FOR THE WILD RIDE MY DUDES


End file.
